I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad and I offer you and your family my sincere condolences.
It sounds as if you have a lot of questions to ask your Dad’s care team. Can I suggest that you write down a list of questions, and then make an appointment with his consultant? If someone can attend with you to write down his/her replies this would be helpful too, as you won’t remember much of the conversation when you leave the hospital.
I have not had chemo myself, but I understand that this can cause problems with appetite and can made food taste metallic. It could have also made him nauseous. I understand that some chemos are harsher than others.
There is no need to recount his final hours. My Mum died 20 years ago with metastases from breast cancer. She soldiered on for 12 years and it was only in her final year that we were told that she had mets in her liver, lungs, bones and brain. That last year was harrowing and heart-breaking to watch her deteriorate so quickly.
You will probably be living on Adrenaline just now and will possibly continue to do so until after the funeral. You have so many arrangements to make, that you will be kept busy until then. It is after this that the reality will really hit you. This is normal, so don’t worry about being on automatic pilot at the moment.
You will also experience all sorts of emotions – anger, desolation, tetchiness, loss, frustration, tiredness, insomnia, crying – the list goes on, but again this is a normal reaction. You do not just have the funeral to worry about, but you also have the welfare of your 80 year old Step-mum to take care of.
It is possible that your Dad didn’t want the hospital to upset you and your brother by telling you how serious everything was. With Data Protection Legislation, they could not say anything unless your Dad gave his permission. They may have been in a similar situation with your Step-mum.
I do hope that you can make the funeral arrangements soon for everyone’s sake. We are always here whenever you feel like talking.
