Hi Bexs,

I notice that this is your first time on the Forum so welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and his prognosis. This is not an easy thing for anyone to cope with. I lost my Mum to metastases from breast cancer several years ago now. She fought it bravely for 12 years, but the last year she deteriorated so quickly that it was heartbreaking to watch.

She was in hospital for a month before she died and was moved to a hospice just days before she finally passed. Like you, I had a plane journey to see her and I was working full time, as well as looking after my husband and two young children. Nothing was easy about it all, but I found that I could deal with things better when I stopped panicing at the thought of losing her and concentrated on trying to build memories with her instead.

All you can really do at this stage is to try and ensure that your Dad is as comfortable as possible. He is possibly very tired now. If this is the case would he like you to read to him, even if it's only the news headlines? If he is a music lover, perhaps you could play some music for him? Is there anything that he would like to do, or people that he might like to see while he is able? If so, perhaps you could facilitate this? Just be there for him, let him know how much you love him and take things day-by-day.

Please keep us in the loop and let us know how he is getting on. There is always someone here whenever you feel like talking.

Thinking of and praying for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Bexs,

I think I was more upset for my Mum than angry. She had a very hard life and, just when things were beginning to improve, she got hit by cancer. I was certainly angry at some of the treatment she got, or didn't get - both applied..

However, I was diagnosed myself 7 years ago and had a second primary the following year and I was really angry at the world then. I can't explain why. I had always been fit and suddenly here I was - another cancer pilgrim. The other thing I did was to cry copiously. I have since discovered that this is good stress release, so don't worry if you find yourself tearful at times. I also snapped at my close family members for no reason at all and this ws totally out of character for me.

You must be finding it very difficult to study for your final year, when you have all this to contend with too. Do you have any other family who live nearer to your Dad who could support him too? It is at times like graduation, birthdays, weddings, Christmas, etc that you will find it particularly difficult to cope after you lose your Dad, but you get through it. Have you got plenty of photographs of him? These are something you'll come to treasure in years to come, so if you haven't, try taking some when you visit him.

I am glad to hear that your Dad likes his music. An I player or a portable DVD player with earphones, might be something he'd like while he is in hospital.

We all know that we all have to die sometime, but we don't know exactly when. No matter when or how it comes, you are never fully prepared for it.

Thinking of you and praying for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi jolamine, Thank you for such an honest reply. Firstly my gosh you are such a brave and courages person for what you have been through yourself and with you mum you seem and sound very strong and I'm so glad you are here today and able to comfort me in my time of need so thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm almost releved in a away that thease feelings are normal and that it happens the past few days I have cried and you are right it does let go so much emotion. I think starting my final year of studies plus this will be difficult but it also in some strange way gives me so much motivation to do my best and make him proud. It will be hard knowing he will not been in my graduation pictures or cheering me when I collect my degree and like you said things like this will be hard when he has gone. It almost still doesn't seem real that he is coming to the end of his life as like you said we all know it happens and he always told this cancer will take him but I never realised how quick and rapidly it would happen. I do have a good support system here my girlfriend is just the biggest support and there are no words for how amazing she has been through the whole process and supporting me when dad has had multiple surgeries infections and everything else that comes with the disease. She has been my rock and my mum and step dad have been by my side throughout it all for whatever I need. My dad has a big support network at his home and everyone chips in to help. I have many photographs of dad throughout the years and of me and him unfortunately since diagnosis there has been less as he does worry about how he looks multiple surgeries and a large chunk of skull removed he doesn't like lots of pictures. I do like your idea of photos though and hopefully I can convince him to take some more when I'm over. I am also going to setup his iPod with some lovely music when I'm there :) Did you feel you had to have chats with your mum about what she wanted in the end stages? For example home hospice ? I feel I need to start thease conversations but not sure if I should let him lead in bringing them up when I'm over I want to make sure his every wish is taken up on and his passes with dignity in the place he wants surrounded by love. So sorry for the amount of questions I am putting on your shoulders Lots of love and thoughts Xxx

Hi Bexs,

I have been trying to send you a friend request, but I presume that you haven't received them? I don't know what I am doing wrong.

How are you bearing up?

Regards,

Jolamine xx