I love the idea of 'stardust to stardust' - thank you. I lost my dear Dad to cancer in January this year. The pain and anger sometimes randomly washes through me - even doing the most mundane task.

Hi Butterfly,

My sincere sympathy on the loss of your Dad. The image of his dead body is something which worries most of us who have lost a loved one. Rest assured that this image will slowly fade to be replaced by memories of happier times. it is far too soon for you to begin to come to terms with his death yet.

You will probably find that you will need to get his funeral behind you before you can begin to cope with yhis. I lost my Mum to metastases from breast cancer many years ago, but I still miss her every day. She survived for 12 years from diagnosis, but her last year was horrendous. She had metastases in liver, lungs, brain and bones and deteriorated very quickly then.

You will find to start with that you hear something and think 'Oh, I must tell Dad', then you remember that he is no longer here to tell. This can be very hard. I keep a photo of Mum in my living room and often find myself talking to the photograph as I pass it by. If you are crying a lot, don't worry - this is a great release valve and it does you good to shed those tears.

When are you holding the funeral? This will be difficult for you too, but you will probably get through this in auto-pilot.

Do you have other family members or friends who can support you at this sad time? Remember that there is always someone here whenever you feel like talking. Thinking of you and praying that you get through the next few days - like cancer, just take it day-by-day.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you Taff that is lovely 'stardust to stardust' x 

Thank you Jolamine for your lovely and helpful message of advice. I'm so sorry you had to go through this with your mum it is truly awful. My Dad had cancer of the bowel that had spread to his lungs and liver when he was diagnosed in 2015 but then in April this year it had also spread to his brain. Once that happened he deteoriated rapidly. So for the past 4 months we had to watch him deteoriate and it was so hard to watch. We thought we were prepared for the outcome but it's far worse. I just can't believe that I really won't see him again. Where does a person go when they die? I just wish I knew...I just wish I could see him again as I miss him so much already. It feels like a nightmare it feels so surreal. It's hard to truly believe this feeling will fade over time. His funeral is the 12th September I do hope after this we as a family will be able to cope better with our grief. I'm just dreading the final goodbye and watching his coffin being put into the ground...its just heartbreaking. X