Hi there. I am so sorry for you and for how you are feeling. I am 49 & lost my precious mum nearly a year ago now. Like you, my Mum really was my best friend, we spent so much time together and I miss her more than I can say. I too feel robbed of all the things we still could have gone together. Your mum is the most special person in your life. People will say all kinds of things to you, to try & comfort you but I know that doesn't really help. You just have to get used to life being different & it's really sad & hard. You have to remember that life is worth living, we both have to try & accept the new version of our lives. You have a 6 year old & imagine how they would feel without you! I wish you well & hope that you get lots of support from your family & friends. X

Dear Lostandangry,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your mum. On behalf of everyone here on Cancer Chat, I offer you our sincere condolences.

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time. I hope you will stay around to chat with some of our members on the forum who have also lost a loved one to cancer in similar circumstances. It does help to speak to others who can understand what you are going through at the moment, so please know you are not alone, you can always count on us if you need a chat.

Also, I want to share with you some information we have on our Coping with grief page. Even though everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to feel, I hope it might help you to find ways to deal with your feelings.

Do stop by at any time and post as much as you need. We are here to listen.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Sarie,

That is the only thing that i think of when it comes to it. My daughter does not need to feel this pain if i was to end. She lost her Nanny she loved her dearly. We had so many plans. Mum had just got her life back on track after 13yrs of not very nice times... long story.

She was looking forward to the future. Then bam she was taken away.

Thats what I see a lot and afraid of. People getting life on track and being happy and it gets taken. Im too afraid to be happy. 

Sam 

I get angry when I get woken up during night or in morning as it is a reminder she is no longer here.

I sit there and just think about it. How much she is going to miss. How many years will i suffer without her. 

I get so jealous over people with their families. I have no friends that understand. Not one has come to see me or ring. So badically no friends!

Dont want to go on. 

I am sorry for your loss and I feel exactly the same. I have lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer just three weeks ago and I have lost my best friend, my beautiful mother and my happiness. Being an only child my mum was my world. We did everything together.

Mum was diagnosed September 2016 just a year ago and she did really well going through gruelling chemo and kept positive and active throughout. She would regularly go for walks on her good days. After 6 cycles of chemo the Oncologist suggested surgery. Mum asked for some weeks to think this major operation over however when mum did agree to go for this procedure a day before her operation was cancelled as the surgeon said her canuhas “slightly” spread and she needs more chemo. 

Mum reluctantly agreed to second line chemo which was horrendous and the side effects were too much. Mum was in and out of hospital and when they did a CT scan they said the chemo was not working anyway. I begged them to put my on a trial, different medication, referral elsewhere but they all said it would make no difference. It’s like they had a cut off point and that was it?!

All they said they can do is refer mum to the Palliative care team who right from the start, would come and speak to mum in such a negative and hopeless way that Mum didn’t even like to see these people. I wish I had put my foot down and refused to let these people force themselves upon my mum. They didn’t even want to speak to me as I was “not the patient”. All these people did were increase mum’s pain medication and put her on Fentalyn Patches and Morphine.

Mum was in and out of hospital past few months but was coping with her illness and she would needs drainage from her stomach from time to time. Within the last fee weeks ger breathing was bad because fluid was on her lung. Mum went in to get that removed but the Palliative care team turned up and said mum should have a scan first - this was a nurse over ruling the ward doctors?! Mum reluctantly went for this MRI scan which she had only recently. Then on that same day this Palliative nurse gave my mum a Oxycodone injection whilst mum was already on patches and had morphine few hours before- almost within a few minutes mum said she feels very drowsy and doesn’t want to sleep. Within hours mum went from talking, eating, walking to thr complete opposite. Mum was not responding and just lay there on the hospital bed not moving. Within two days my mum died. I firmly believe my mum was killed by the Palliative care nurse that day by overdose. I didn’t protect my mum from these monsters who did this to her and this guilt will always be with me. 

Although I stayed with my day and night I couldn’t protect her when she needed me the most because I let these people overdose my mum. Mum was not in the last stages of the cancer - they had no right to take my mum’s life or to take anyone’s life. 

I will never forget those two days and how my mum looked this keeps me awake at night. I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. This Palliative team have devastated our lives. All they did was give mum devastating news and break her mentally then physically kill her by overdose. I will always believe that they did this and I nor mum should never have trusted them.