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It doesn't get any easier...

steff
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Hi, 

so my mum passed away from secondary breast cancer nearly 8 months ago now. And I'm still finding it hard coming to terms with it all. I feel like I'm the only one in my family that can't move on with their life. 

My brothers both have their own families and my dad now lives in Spain with his new girlfriend. And I'm just stuck and can't move forward. 

My partner and friends try so hard to help me but they've not been through this at all and don't understand what it's like everyday waking up and knowing my mum is no longer here. There's so much I want to tell her and talk about with her. I'm also planning my wedding for next year and it just doesn't feel right without my mum. 

I find myself asking why was my mum the unlucky one she was only 47, why did it have to happen to her. I know so many people who've had cancer and survived, so why was my mum not a survivor. Instead she became a victim. 

I find myself wishing sometimes that when I'm driving someone crashes into me and it kills me there and then. So I no longer have to live with this ache or pain. I know it's a terrible thing to say but it's exactly how I feel.

Has anyone else been in this situation or felt similar to how I am?

  • Hi Steff, 

    I'm really sorry to hear about your mum's passing and how difficult you are finding things at the moment. Losing a parent is a very difficult thing to come to terms no matter how much time has passed so try not to be too hard on yourself for how you are feeling.

    Many of our members here will know what you are going through having been in this position themselves with their parents and loved ones and I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you.

    I also wanted to make you aware of bereavement councilling as I think they will be able to help you eventually move pass feeling stuck and remember that any time you need to talk Samaritans are just a phone call away. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123 so whenever you need a listening ear someone will always be available to support you.

    Keep sharing how you are feeling with us as well as your family and friends and the Cancer Chat community will all they can to help you through this.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hello Steff, 

    I am so sorry to read about your loss. It is early days for you in the process of grieving and bereavement. I lost my sister 14 years ago with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. She left a husband and two little boys. As a family, we were all devastated and powerless to help. In the end,  all I wanted was for her suffering to stop and then it did. It took me around 2 years to be able to speak about her without choking up. We all handled her death very differently. I experienced every emotion possible including extreme sadness, anger and even guilt. There will always be the question ' why did this happen?' but in time it will not be so raw as it is now, or at least this is how it was for me. Try to be kind to yourself and remember a part of your mum lives on in the world within yourself. x

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    Hi I'm so sorry to hear about your mum I lost my mum 5 months ago and it feels as though every day gets harder I feel as though I went with my mum I have pushed everyone away from me I ended my long term relationship after my mum passed as I can't get over my mum not been here and he didn't understand not proply  I really hope we learn to cope with life can't say will get easier mum was and only ever will be my closest heartbroken I know ur pain xxx

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    Hi steff,

     

    firstly im sorry for your loss loosing a parent is heartbreaking i lost my dad 3 weeks ago to lung cancer he went down hill very quickly after being diagnosed. All this that you feel is normal as ive been there im finding it unbearable. It also hurts to know my dads not going to be there to give me away at my wedding which was one of my dreams i feel a massive sense of emptyness and my heart aches i miss my dad dearly and just want him back. I dnt feel life will ever be the same again all i got now is memorys and i feel everyone around me tells me to be strong but they dnt understand the pain because they still have there dad xx

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