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terri1255
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Hi Everyone, I am very new to this and not sure if i will ever get over the loss of my mother but i feel as if i share her story i might get some answers to help me understand.

March 2016 my mother found a lump in her Breast and a week later had a biopsy done to test the abnormality, following a few days later my mother started to lose all sensation in the left side of her body meaning she was unable to walk properly or raise her arms etc. I took her to the hospital to eventually be told that my mother has a brian tumour!! This was obviously a shock as she had never suffered any symptoms at all. My mother had surgery to remove the tumour and was successful however the results showed that the cancer originally started from the Kidney! A month went by she fully recovered from the tumor was able to walk and we thought things were looking up until pains in her lower back and spine leaving her in agony we then found out it had spread to her spine!!!Being told that they was nothing that could be done apart from try to manage the symptoms etc.My mother got worse within weeks of not being able to walk due to her back collapsing from the radiotherapy on her spine she now spent months in a hopsital bed and passed away in September with the cancer spreading to her Lungs. I was told by her doctor she has 6 months or less but she passed away within a week. I dont understand how if she had metastic cancer why was i firstly told she had a year to live and also giving us pallative care but with my self not knowing the full meaning i was told pallative care it to help with symptoms and not end of life care. 

 

For a few weeks my mother was not her self her personality changed and she was always sleeping and not eating but was told by doctors its the medication surely all the symptoms were there they must have noticed this considering she was going to be brought home in a few days so that i can look after her. 

 

I just dont understand how the cancer had spread the way it had especially with my mother already having cancer in three different places the doctors must of known she hadnt had long why wasnt we told. 

 

I know this may seem silly as to what i am saying but has anyone had a similar experience as i am struggling. 

 

Thank you

  • Welcome to the forum Terri although I'm really sorry to hear what your mum went through and on behalf of the cancer chat team I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences to you on her passing.

    I think many members who have experienced loss will be able to identify with how you are feeling and the questions you are asking and hopefully some of them will be along soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you. I have included a section we have on our website about coping with grief which I hope will be of some comfort to you at this time but if you would like to talk about your mum's experience with someone our cancer nurses are just a phone call away. They are available Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m on 0808 800 4040 which is free if you call from a UK landline.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator 

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    I'm so very sorry about your mum and I truely know how hard this is for you.

    my lovely mum was diagnosed with stage 2b cervical cancer 4 years ago, she had treatment and recovered well but the treatment affected her bladder and arthritis badly. Sept 2016 she had a fall and was sent for a CT which diagnosed a secondary brain tumour, she bravely went through surgery and radiotherapy and we were told all was good but she suddenly died 3 months later....we don't know why! 

    I am obviously heartbroken and feel that life is so cruel as I'm sure you do right now.? The only little bit of advice I can give you is to make your mum proud,be the person she's want you to be and live your life to the full.

    im crying writing this because I know how you're heart must be breaking but I hope it helps you to know there are others out there that share your pain.

    big hugs to you xxx

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    Hi Terri,

    I am so sorry to hear about your mother and  how quickly she deteriorated, despite being given a more optomistic prognosis. I offer my sincere sympathy to you and your family. It is difficult to predict the length of time that any one has left. Doctors are becoming more accurate in doing this, but they are not always right. Your upset with how far out they were in your mother's case is propably why the medics are so reluctant to predict the end for patients.

    I lost my mother many years ago. She started with breast cancer and had that for 11 years before she progressed to secondary cancer.and deteriorated very quickly at that stage. She has metastases in her liver, lungs, brain and bones by this time and was in hospital for a few weeks before she was moved into a hospice for the last three days of her life. The staff there denied that the end was close until the day that she died.

    With personal experience of cancer, I can now understand just how tired medication can make you and how you can have an aversion to food.

    It has been my experience that the doctors do not really tell you how long a patient has unless you put them on the spot and ask them directly. Even then they can still be way out in their estimation. It sounds as if you and I were the unfortunate ones who lost our mothers too early. Cancer affects different people in different ways, as do the different types of cancer. There is no point in letting this eat us up.

    Try to think of more pleasant and happier times with your mother. It is still early days for you to come to terms with the grief that your mother's passing has caused you but you will come to terms with it in time. It has been 20 years since my Mum died and I still miss er every day. I will never forget her, but I can now accept that she is no longer in pain and has gone to a happier place. It has taken me several years to reach this stage.

    I hope that, with the passage of time you too will feel that you cope with your loss and live to make your mother proud of your achievements.

    Thinking of you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

     

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