My dad is about to die

As of currently, my father(54) is in the hospital dying of stage 4 kidney cancer. I myself am only 15 and am finding it incredibly hard to cope with this. I have never experienced death on a personal level, until now. He has been very sick for two years, so this is not unexpected. Me and my family have been preparing for the worst but no amount of preparation can really prepare somebody for this. I never had a chance to have a final talk with him about everything, as when he got admitted to the hospital I was writing my final exams, and therefore was not informed of his situation. When I did get to the hospital, he was on large amounts of morphine and completely out of it. Now he is unconscious and it seems he will remain that way until his passing. I have an amazing family, friend and boyfriend who are all here for me, but I still find this all extremely hard, especially due to my age and how little time I have had with him. Is there anybody who can relate to this? If so, any and all suggestions on how to cope would be very much appreciated, thank you.

Parents
  • Hello HB, I lost my dad to a brain tumour 10 years ago and I remember the feelings I felt leading up to his passing. It is a deep sadness that I can honestly say will not go away and after his passing, you will go through a detached, almost fog like shock that noone will really understand but you. This will make you strong but it will also make you feel lonely at times. When this happens, try to understand that it's Ok to feel this way. You'll be ok. Memories are very fragile and I encourage you to remember all the wonderful times you have shared with your Dad, remember them everyday. Do not let his physical and mental state right now be all you come to remember of your Dad. Stay positive for your family, be there for each other, learn to understand each other and how the days can be very hard, very dark at times. I know you feel you have so much to say to him, so much you want to hear from him but all you can do now is be there at his side, hold his hand, talk to him as if he can hear you and help him to pass peacefully. You will get through this, you will. Be positive sweetheart, feel blessed you knew him for as long as you have, feel lucky for your time you have shared together even if it feels unfair it's been cut short. This will make you into a very strong and loving person, make your dad proud, show him that you have the determination to make your days count, make your life matter and find meaning in your life. Whenever it gets too much, travel, surround yourself with water- lakes, the ocean, sea, it will give you peace. Time will pass, time will heal you. All my love to you xxx

Reply
  • Hello HB, I lost my dad to a brain tumour 10 years ago and I remember the feelings I felt leading up to his passing. It is a deep sadness that I can honestly say will not go away and after his passing, you will go through a detached, almost fog like shock that noone will really understand but you. This will make you strong but it will also make you feel lonely at times. When this happens, try to understand that it's Ok to feel this way. You'll be ok. Memories are very fragile and I encourage you to remember all the wonderful times you have shared with your Dad, remember them everyday. Do not let his physical and mental state right now be all you come to remember of your Dad. Stay positive for your family, be there for each other, learn to understand each other and how the days can be very hard, very dark at times. I know you feel you have so much to say to him, so much you want to hear from him but all you can do now is be there at his side, hold his hand, talk to him as if he can hear you and help him to pass peacefully. You will get through this, you will. Be positive sweetheart, feel blessed you knew him for as long as you have, feel lucky for your time you have shared together even if it feels unfair it's been cut short. This will make you into a very strong and loving person, make your dad proud, show him that you have the determination to make your days count, make your life matter and find meaning in your life. Whenever it gets too much, travel, surround yourself with water- lakes, the ocean, sea, it will give you peace. Time will pass, time will heal you. All my love to you xxx

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