I had posted a couple of weeks ago about my grandmother's condition, and it's quite sad to type this up. I thought I'd never had to this in my life. My granny went downhill so fast, but it seems so surreal. I don't know what to do with myself, she only passed early hours this morning with all of her family there with me present. It was an awful death which I did not expect, but she was hanging so hard. Two days ago, it was my 19th birthday and yesterday it was my mum's. The hospice nurse said that she's holding on until our birthdays are over, and she was right.  It hurts so much to look at her photos, I can't stop crying. There are times when I accept her death, but then I feel like this is all a joke that she's going to pop up or ring me to say, "Don't worry love." It is awful. We rang and got the hospital bed and the hoist took away, and we have arranged the funeral already, picked her clothes and rearranged the furniture for her coming home. My heart is in a million pieces right now, I want her back and I would do anything to get her back. I am going to get a bracelet with her fingerprint engraved with the word 'granny' it will bring me comfort. I know she's with my grandfather who died 16 years prior, and her sisters and her brother. 

How can I cope better? I am just heartbroken.