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Coping witout my husband

Sue.d
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I lost my husband 5 weeks ago after a 4 year fight to cancer, I'm finding it really hard to come to terms with, even tho we knew last year he was terminal, when he passed away it was horrendous, he was in constant pain ,so i keep telling myself he's out of pain now, but i feel so empty still breaking down alot, it's at night it gets me coz I'm trying to keep myself busy in the day, it's so lonely on my own ,having bin together 40 years , I'm struggling,i know he wouldn't want me to feel like this ,but can't help it, i just hope it will get easier ,people have been really good asking for me to do stuff, but i really cant be bothered, it's a horrible feeling , has any one else on here gone through the same feeling ?? .

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    Hi Sue

    I lost my husband 8 weeks ago, 11 months after he was diagnosed with cancer. We found out he was terminal 2 weeks before he died and me and our daughters nursed him at home. We were married for 32 years and I too feel lonely, even when I'm surrounded by my family I still feel lonely. I can smile and even laugh but my inner happiness has gone. I understand about the nights, my sleep patterns are terrible and I'm often awake until after 3 or 4 in the morning. Most of the time I just want to be with him. But during the short time that I have been on this forum I've learned that there are lovely people here willing to listen and help and many lovely ladies in a similar position to us, some are further along in their grieving and they have given me hope. Please keep posting or send me a friend request, hopefully we can support and help each other.

    Sue x

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    Hi Sue and BarleyDog, I'm feeling exactly the same as you. The nights are worse than any thing else. I lost my husband 15 weeks ago. Everyone likes to feel helpful but things have changed. It will never be the same. We did a everything together, learning to get through a day alone is awful. I find that changing my routine completely helps. It takes a lot of strength and bravery which some days I just don't have..... and don't want to either. I seem to have lost the last 4 months, time stopped when he became ill and I don't really want it to restart yet. We are going to get through this, in our own time and our own way. Hold on to your memories tightly, nobody can take those away from you.
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    Hi Sue, I lost my husband Just a week ago to metastatic kidney cancer. At the moment I have my family around me and we are just focusing on getting everything in place for the funeral next week. It too was horrendous when my lovely hubby passed away he was in so much pain, and like you I keep telling myself that he's out of it now. But I just want him back. We had been together for 38 years. I know it's still early days for me and too be honest I feel I am in a bubble at the moment. Xx
  • Offline in reply to malro

    My reply was meant for the other ladies also. 

  • Offline in reply to malro

    Hi Ladies

    Thank you for posting, I think it helps all of us to know that we are not alone. I don't think I've got anywhere near the bottom yet and that terrified me.

    Malro, I hope you manage to get through the funeral. That doesn't sound right but it was the only way I could think in advance of my own husband's funeral. Surprisingly on the day I managed better than I expected. We played a song in the middle of the church service (walk hand in hand with me by Tony Martin) that meant something to us and for the first time since he died I could see him as he was before he was ill. I felt calm and sensed that he was at peace, I don't know what your beliefs are but I hope that you feel something similar.

    Take care ladies

    Sue x

  • Offline in reply to Barleydog

    Everything you say sounds just like me, especially the sleepless nights, it's such horrendous thing losing your husband, I keep thinking my life will never be the same without him, after watching him suffer for 4 years was horrible, we have to stay strong and carry on, as hard as it is ,we have no choice, I'm fine when I'm around my family , but struggling at night time life is so crule think it helps chatting to people going through the same thing x

  • Offline in reply to Sue.d

    Hello everyone.

    I sadly lost my partner of 35 years 7 weeks ago, he was diagnosed in march this year with bowel, liver and lung cancer and died 17 May.  He was told very bluntly by the specialist that he had only a few weeks/months left if he did not start chemo.  The oncologist offered him chemo and he managed two rounds before he died.  Luckily I was able to nurse him right up to the end when the rennie grove nurses came in.

    I have gone back to work but when I get home at night I don't want to do anything I just sit in the bedroom where I have his ashes.  The garden is overgrown and the housework needs doing.  I manage to eat a meal for one most nights.  I do have friends and family but I have never felt so lonely in all my life.

    I also sadly lost my dad in January this year so I have had a double whammy as they say.

    It helps (in a funny sort of way) to know that I am not the only one in this situation.

    I'm hoping that things will get better but I am dreading the winter months. Thanks for listening

     

     

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