Hi Cheech, 
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mum 8 months ago. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012, had her operation and all the med staff used to call her a 'miracle''. She never felt ill after taking medicine, etc 
Then it seems that cancer did spread to her lungs, and unfortunately she passed away September 27th 

Because I have felt the same ( and I still do). I want to say that the way you feel is completely normal. 
Speaking of getting the same image in your head, I had that for the first 4-5 months, I'd say. It was the same every day - me walking downstairs, seeing that my mum is not breathing anymore. She was at home when it happened, so still till this day I blame myself for not calling the ambulance night before she left us. 

Recently I have been seeing good dreams about my mum, where she says that everything is okay, she is fine, and I don't have to worry about her. 

Recently I have been coping okay, but today I just broke down. It happens. And can happen any day, any time. 
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I am not here too often, but when I am, I will make sure to get back to you xx

 

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. The passing of a mother is a very hard loss....having that loss to cancer is just unbearable. 

Please don't be hard on yourself....once cancer gets to a certain stage there is little that can be done ...watching your mum go without food or water for so long must have been horrendous... but as the cancer grows stronger and takes over it just uses up what reserves the body has...your mums body just wouldn't have be able to keep up even if she had water and nutrition...

You will have done so much just by being there for her in these final days...she will have felt and heard your presence and love... being with her till the end of cancer journey however hard that journey was is all anybody can do.

I don't think you will ever get over your mums death from cancer....you will just learn to live with it the best you can.

sending you much love x

Hi Cheech,

I know how you feel, as I lost my nan just three months ago due to lung cancer. I also cannot get the image out of my head of how I saw her last, empty, frale and just lifeless. It was heart breaking. It's 3 months today. We were told like you were that one minute she was fine, the next she was getting treatment then fine again and suddenly she detiereated extremely quickly and she was gone. Nurses had told us she was fine, but we knew deep inside that she wasn't. I miss her more and more each day, feels like it's been a life time but also feels like it was only yesterday. I was very close to my nan. I will never forgive cancer for taking someone so special away from me. I'm here, if you or anyone wants to chat. Xx

Hi susan.j.k., I noticed that you've just joined Cancer Chat today, and wanted to stop by to wish you a very warm welcome. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum; this must be such an incredibly tough time for you and your family. I'm sure other members will be along soon to offer their support and share their experiences.

In the meantime, I wanted to let you know about a couple of websites for young people who have lost a parent to cancer: one called Hope Again and another called riprap. They offer information and support when a parent has died, advice from other young people, and a list of support services that are available locally to you. 

Grief is something that everybody deals with differently and, as many people on here will say, there's no right or wrong way to grieve. But it really can help to confide in someone you trust and talk about your feelings around your mum dying. You've taken a really brave first step in posting here. Do you have a close friend, family member or teacher you can talk to, too? 

If you feel like sharing any more about how you're feeling at any time, we're here to listen. 

Wishing you all the best,

Helen

Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, my mum's journey is very similar to yours. And I felt/feel exactly the same. She was in the hospice for just over 2 weeks. I asked 5 doctors to confirm it was cancer because I was convinced we were starving her to death. (I also asked every nurse that came into the room). I wanted to fix things so the outcome would be different but I couldn't. So I felt guilt instead. I still feel it's my fault although I know that's not true (the brain is cruel!) mum passed in April and I still struggle with remembering her well (not ill). Every night I force myself to imagine meeting her in her new place, we meet in a cafe and have a different cocktail every time. We go for a paddle in the sea and I tell her about my day. I'm hoping by doing this I'll start to picture her well, laughing andd full of fun (and cocktails). I miss her and we had no time to say goodbye but I know she knows I loved her and I know I'll get better (she did when she lost her mum). Hope it helps to know someone else is feeling the same. Xxx