My heart goes out to you. What has happened to you is not the way it should be, we should not have to bury our children. When they are born we love and cherish them as they make their way from babyhoods to adulthood and beyond and never in our wildest nightmares do we see the time that they will not be with us. I can only say my son who was 35 died on 19 Jan 2017 ten days after his 35th birthday from bowel cancer with full liver mets. He was diagnosed in April 2016 and we knew the prognosis was never optimistic and you think you are preparing yourself for the day that you know is going to come but that is not true. As each day passes my despair grows. Like you I have two children, daughters in fact one 31 and the other 33, a beautiful grandson and a daughter in law (my son had planned to get married on 15th May 2016 and did so ten days after his bowel tumour removal). We are broken in so many ways, My husband and I grieve in different ways and we are trying to learn to live our lives without his physical presence and that is soo difficult. I cannot believe that I will never see him, talk to him and the tears flow all sorts of things bring the memories back. I told the psychologist at Maggies that I never want to stop hurting I never want to get over it. We are all different and deal with things our own way and I think you have to do what makes you feel the best that you can. Some days I don't want to get up, but I hear my son saying mum get a grip and so I do. The wedding in October will be such a bittersweet occasion. Our sons wedding was a lovely day but there was a sadness hiding behind the smiles as we knew his time with us was limited. You will have an empty chair at the table and that is the awful reality and for your child whose special day it is, everyone will have a lovely day and a pain in their heart for the missing person. I am probably babbling on and not helping at all. I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you and your family. love lesliexxx