I am truly sorry to read your post....my heart goes out to you. I feel so lost and alone too. My partner suffered a horrific death from advanced rectal cancer.... he struggled on for days... he was eventually put on 2 morphine pumps... but his end was only peaceful in the very last hour.
I will never forget what I witnessed. He died on 3.5.17....most of the time I don't want to be here either....
There is nothing anyone can say or do to make things better for you or me....we just have to try our best to get through each day....in some small way I think reading about others who are suffering what we are suffering brings abit of comfort that we are not alone even when we feel we are...
Please take care of yourself....know others share your pain even if we do not know you x
Thank you for your reply and so sorry to hear of your recent loss ...
It's so awful watching someone you love die, I think I was naive thinking it would just be a few last breaths and peaceful! Unfortunately my brother wasn't given any pumps and I do feel more needs to be done in cancer wards so patients don't suffer so much ... not to have a pump when someone is dying in such an awful way is absolutely horrendous and nobody should go through that !
We have to try somehow to forget these images and try and remember the ones we love when they were not so sick. It's very difficult when it's still so recent
I think you're right, knowing that others have gone through similar dos help but very sad to think how many are suffering with this dreadful disease.
I wish you strength to get through this ....
That is such a horrible situation to be in right now. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. From what you have written I would think it would be a good idea to see about taking some time off and maybe at the end of that time off seeing how you're feeling.
My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer last year and I wanted to give up on everything, but after sitting with the news for a couple weeks and even months later I realized that wouldn't be what was best for me. I know right now it would be very hard to manage, but maybe having a little time to think about things may be better. Maybe you don't have to make a decision right away. I would think that that it would be beneficial for you to properly grieve for your brother and hearing of your mom's diagnosis.
I don't know a whole lot about kidney cancer, but hopefully there is something that can help your mom. It's hard to make any predictions or to know what will work and what won't since everyone is so different.
There's just seems to be a lot of changes in your life right now, and on top of that you have to deal with your brother's death and your mother's diagnosis, which would be extrememly difficult even in normal or less chaotic situations. I hope that's the right word.
I can't really give any advice about your partner and the mother in law, but I have found that people do process things differently, so maybe they aren't meaning to be unsympathetic? Have you told them you felt this way? Would there be a way to talk to them about how you're feeling they are acting in this situation? And also know that there are some very supportive people on this site, I hope you are able to find some people who can help you through this situation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and your Mums diagnosis. I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 18, and I lost my brother last September to this vile disease too and so I do understand your grief. My mum is 90 and loosing her husband and then son was not the way she expected her life to pan out. It has been very tough.
You have a lot on your plate and so thoughts regarding your job are natural. I took time off to look after my brother and we nursed him at home with minimal support in the last few days. At the time I felt guilty about time taken away from my work and my family but now I look back and I am glad I dedicated that time to my brothers care . It comforts me to know we did the best for him and what he wanted from his final days. His suffering was thankfully shorter than expected. I too was in the process of moving house when all this happened.
A lot of things are going on for you now so feeling so confused is to be expected . Speak to your employer , you are entitled to special leave . Macmillans site has a great section on your rights as a close family member to someone who has cancer.
Talk to your mum about how you are feeling, can you try to use this time supporting your mum through her own treatment as a way to manage your own grief .
Take joy in your little girl and she will also bring joy to your mum. Do things together if your mum is up to it .
Most of all remember that family time is important . This time spent now with your mum is vital for you both. You are both grieving and we are only human . Do you have any sisters or brothers with which to share the burden ?
