Hi , 

where do I start ? 

Im lost I've never felt so lonely! I lost my dad my best friend! Copd took him im severely depressed I lost my dad after being a full time career for him to copd non of the family was intrested whilst I was looking after him I was heavily pregnant and 21 my first child my dads youngest grandson! When my dad got really ill I sent him to the hospital the day I was giving birth to my son I was told my dad wouldn't make it I was having a c section within 24 hours I made sure I was discharged and took my little boy too meet his grandad my dad turned a corner and looked and felt better then he had in years unfortunately a month to that date my dad passed away they moved him to a hospice and he passed away within 48 hours of him being there ! My dad will never see me be a mommy my dad will never get to spend time with his grandson we have all lost him and this hurts me so bad they say the first death is the hardest but why my dad , my dad still smoked and he used to work in coal mines ! I've done this all on my own I'm now in debt because of paying for the funeral I'm depressed and I'm lost I'm hurt and angry and sad I had to register his death and now I'm having to empty his flat on my own it's all too much but now the "family " that wasn't there thru the hard times want too be there now and say they did it all I don't care I know I did my upmost to make my dad as comfortable as I can the rest took advantage and stole from him on his death bed I just need someone to talk too its his funeral tomorrow and I don't know how I'm going to do it