Brother died from cancer last month

My brother was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2013 and was told the prognosis was good - it's the best kind of cancer to have they said, whatever that means. Fast forward to 2016, my brother had his thyroid removed and had 2 lots ofradio iodine treatment - he was having pain in his back but his oncologist said it wouldn't be the cancer as it would be a persistent pain. It turns out the cancer spread to his bones and to his lungs. The word terminal was never used and I think we were all in denial and that he would get better.

 

The way his case was treated has upset and angered me. Everything was such a struggle, he was left from 2014 to early 2015 and there seemed to be no sense of urgency with anything. This has made it so much worse. He developed thyoid eye disease which we later found out was a result from the radio active iodine treatment and could have been prevented .. but we were never informed this could happen and the oncologist had no idea why he had this (a steroid before the treatment would have prevented this) although it is rare my brother suffered with watering and bulging eyes double Vision and couldn't watch tv or even read in his darkest days when he was just lying in bed at home ....

he was referred to royal marsden finally in Jan this year - although the doctored weee amazing and did all they can it was too late as he died in april at 44.

 

me, my mum, dad and sister all watched him die... the worst thing imaginable. He was so strong  and brave until the end and was determined to live - 

the way he died was awful- on a cancer ward with 3 other men.. the staff weren't sure if he was dying or not. He had agitated delirium and the actual dying process took 23 hours while we sat with him praying he would get better - 

we should have been told he was dying so we could have got him to a hospice where he would have had proper palliative care and treated with dignity

this will remain with me forever. Obviously I want to remember him as he was before and not the last few days or weeks but it's so hard to get those images out of my head.. I was naive thinking he would die peacefully with a few gasps of air

 

my heart is broken 

  •   As I have just joined the support group I feel a little unsure of what to say to you but I no your pain as we lost our son to soft tissue sarcoma and had never heard of this type of cancer it was a shock to us as he was very health and we went into denial like your family we feel there is a big big hole in our life and I still wait for a phone call ,  our sons sister misses her brother as I can feel you do it's been life changing for us and I would think you will never get over this you will manage your pain as we have and just take one day at a time I wish I could help you more but going to clan and mixing with people there has help me a lot , take care and try and stay strong hugs Gerri 

  • Thank you both for your replies... and I'm so sorry to hear of the losses you have both had in your lives .... My mum has now been told of the awful news she has been diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. She found out the day before my brothers funeral but didn't want to tell me and my sister straight away so we had a month to take everything in with my brother ... I can't believe this has happened. How can life be so unfair ? My poor mum has not only lost her son but now has to fight this terrible disease I don't know what to do. I am petrified deep down but remaining strong for my mum. We are all in shock ... my mum is a very strong and intelligent lady but she is only human . I haven't really told any friends yet as I can't cope with it and trying to block it out I have a 1 year old who brings us so much joy but she ne said her grandma to be around I'm sending you both my love even though I don't know you but we share something so tragic that nobody understands unless you have gone through it Be strong xx rebecca xx
  • This is going to be so so hard for you to deal with please try and think of what your brother would say to you and your family and fight with every bit of strength you have as your mother may feel this is it but you all need her and she needs you so stay strong and support each other as this cruel horrible desease has no mercy it just takes life and try's to destroy people please stay strong xx