My mum has just had whole brain radiotherapy. She is deteriorating and I'm sure she doesn't have too long left. I feel so alone and depressed and have no one to talk to. Can somebody help me? Please?
Hi Queeny,
So sorry to hear of your sadness and the deterioration of your mum. I know how helpless you feel as I lost my sister 14 years ago to acute myeloid leukaemia. I regret deeply not spending more time with her before she passed but I cannot turn back the clock. If you can, just be by your mum's side that is all you can do. There is nothing to take away the sadness I'm afraid. When my sister passed there was overwhelming grief but also relief that she was no longer suffering as this had been the hardest part to see her endure. I sincerely hope your mum can be as comfortable as possible in this awful situation, and you both can experience some special moments together still ...
Hello and thank you for responding to me. I am about a 4 hour drive from my mum and the family members I have good relationships with live abroad. The 2 siblings I have that I need right now are not in communication with me and its breakingmy heart that at as grown adults with children of our own that we can't let our past go and be there for each other. I'm drinking and smoking too much to block everything out but its not the answer I know. I feel so unwell all the time and depressed. I can't take antidepressants and don't want to. I just need some support. Thanks for your kind words. I do appreciate it very much.
Dear Queeny,
I know your situation only too well. It's tragic that you are not better connected with your family but sometimes these situations can't be rectified. Presumably, you have tried reaching out to your siblings? I do think it,s worth trying if you need them...you have nothing to lose. I agree with you that smoking/drinking will not really help you they only mask your feelings. Could you contemplate taking yourself for a peaceful swim or massage perhaps. I know this will not take away all the sadness but just for awhile, you might experience a little stillness in the turmoil you are facing.
Hi, I can relate. I was put on a bunch of head meds years ago. I have a brother I have not talked to in 20 years and another one 18 years. It is what it is. I turned to drinking and smoking when my mum was diagnosed with cancer in 1996 to help me cope with what was going on with her. It was the only way I knew how to deal with my problems then. Life eventually moved on and I gave up smoking and drinking in 1998 for good. My first son was born and I did not want him raised around that kind of stuff. If your depressed then I know you already know that drinking is a depressent. So needless to say you need to set the drinking aside for now and try to deal with this from a sober state of view. Maybe the falling out with your other siblings has something to do with your smoking and drinking? Sometimes keeping your distance from certain family members is the best bet, only you would know. It can bring up to much dirty laundry all the time your mum is sick so it might be better to talk to family members down the road as to keep the stress levels low that way you can focus on your mum and you. You need to find a healthy way to vent. Church group or A.A. class or another support group where you can actually meet people and have group meetings. I'm sorry about your mum and I hope it all works out for you. You take care of yourself. You have kids that need you. Be strrong and get a support group set up. I hope this helped. I'm sorry if I was to direct. Happy wishes to you and I hope everything works it self out. Adam W.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Chatting on here helps I think especially if support at home is sparse. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. You are already grieving for your imminent loss. If your issues with siblings are not your fault then you have nothing to worry about and will have no regrets. I sat with mum at the end. Wish I could have that time again but it would only be for me as it would be selfish to want her back in that ill state. Your mum would want you to take care of yourself so maybe rethink the drinking and smoking. Think of what cancer is putting your mum through, she wouldn't want that for you. I wish I could help more but I don't (and nobody does) have the right words. You will cope, there is no other choice. Afterwards is rubbish but I think of the future. There is so much more to come that is good and will bring delight. Thinking of you xxxx
Firstly my heart goes out to you and everyone else on here. I just discovered this forum which was much needed as I too lost my parents. Please talk to us on this, you are never alone, I get so lonely too but remember you have everyone on here to speak to. Speaking to others on here can probably help more so as family always argue and it puts a further dark cloud over the situation sometimes. Just talk to your mum as much as you can even if she is resting with her eyes shut, when my mum had a few weeks left ( iwas obvlious to this as still in denial but I had the approach she would get better) but just make her comfortable ,like i use to get my mums favourite moisturiser and give her a mini facial, as treatments can dry out the skin, do her nails for her with her favourite colour, give her hands some nice hydrating moisturisers and just tell her all the lovely happy things you love about her. i go for daily walks with music and just to be in nature and feed ducks etc and just try clear my head which can work, but doesnt always work, but if you try do something that you love too, maybe photography or painting or something that your mum loves? sorry i dont want to ramble on, im just trying to think of little ways to help you, as how im trying to help myself. remember how much your mum loves you and is so proud of you and to have you as her child :). sorry i hope this helps, i think this forum is fantastic it and wished i discovered it a year ago xxx hugs and love to you
