Welcome to our forum Rebeccamb.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad, our sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat team.

It is completely understandable that you feel the way you do right now with everything still so raw and I hope you will find some comfort here. 

We have some information on our website on Coping with Grief which you can read when you feel you are ready. For the time being just remember we are here for you if you need us.

Our thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi I can totally relate to everything you said......my dad died in January this year and he was just 66 years old. He died in hospital and I was there with him. I am 32 and I have a sister who's 22 and a mom. We were all with him when he died. It was the first person I saw die and the first dead body I saw too, and that happened to be my dad. So I feel I'm struggling with that on top of the loss of my dad. However I'm glad I was with him when he passed, or I'd have regrets and I'd struggle even more. I went back to work just under a month after he died, a week after his funeral. Looking back I returned too soon and I went straight into full time hours. You feel totally alone in your own bubble of grief. Your family are obviously grieving and struggling too but we are all grieving and hurting which helps but it's also hard cus we're all going through the pain. I hate that you feel deserted and other people neglect you. I feel angry about the lack of support for my mom, who's spent 40 years with my dad, and now she's alone at home whilst my sister and I have our jobs to keep us busy. I worry about my mom and I worry about losing her next too. Most people I know are ages 50 who's lost their parents and my sister and I are much younger, and we'll never get to experience our weddings or birth and children with out parents and we are jealous of those who still have their fathers. I feel totally withdrawn, it feels a comfort to be around some family members as I know they are hurting just as much. Other family members I'm angry at as they haven't bothered with us. Some friends I'm angry at as they haven't bothered or don't understand. Colleagues/ work I'm angry at as they don't show compassion or support, and it changes you as a person. I'm dreading Father's Day, and his bday which isn't until towards the end of the year, and my bday not long after his, then Xmas, new year and the anniversary or his death. I don't even want to acknowledge my bday, Xmas, or new year. It feels a comfort to come on this site and share and read people's stories/experiences/emotions as you feel you're not alone, which brings a bit of comfort xx

My dad passed away on Thursday from cancer that was in many places his liver being one of them. I was there with family around him when he passed. His passing seemed very peaceful which gave me some comfort and I tried to remember that his body was his body and his spirit had passed to somewhere better. From Thursday to Sunday it felt like he had just gone somewhere like gone out to the shops and that's why he wasn't at his house. But last night onwards it's sinking in I will never see my dad again I will never hear him again. I feel angry that life is meant to carry on as it did before. I know it needs to but it seems unfair. I know my dad is no longer in pain but I feel like I need to know he's ok. I sometimes go from being OK to being intensely upset and crying. The disease took away my dads life his dignity and it's so hurtful that he was made to go through this. I feel all of your pain and can completely relate. I don't know how long it's going to be before I start feeling normal but also I sometimes wonder if I cry enough. Will my dad think because I don't cry loads that I don't miss him because I do miss him. I think about him all the time and miss him so bad I just wish he could come back as he was before getting cancer. 

Hi sally1985

so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad from this awful horrible disease.

You thoughts and situation sounds similar to mine, I lost my dear dad last September , never thought he would pass away from this disease, I lived in a world of hope, he had unknown primary somewhere around his liver/gall bladder and secondary on lung and liver, went through 6 months of chemo.

He passed away peacefully with all of us there, but I spent the next few days thinking  he had just popped up the betting shop etc, and still 9 months passed I still believe he has popped out when I first go into my mums and dad's house, I am not sure it ever sinks in , but it does get a little more realistic as your mind does start to register of the loss and becomes easier to talk about dad to people without getting to upset. I to felt I did not cry enough but it does not always take tears to  express grieve, just in the way we adapt to living beyond grieve is an expression of loss. 

Take care