Thank you so much for you very kind words and support. I feel positive and am making changes to my life which makes me feel a little more in control. I do feel like the last 6 months have been a time of huge stress and although I kept strong for my mum I felt constantly worried and like our lives were spiralling out of control.

I get moments where I'm glad the worry and constant stress had gone but then I feel guilty because I realise it's maybe because my mum isn't here anymore and that makes me so very sad.

im determined to stay positive and try my very best to live the life my mum would have wanted for me,that's more than enough to keep me positive and focused.

again thank you 

Charlotte xxx

Hi, 

i am more than sorry to hear about the loss and nobody should lose their mum, currently my mum is living with terminally I'll cancer and I am also as strange as it sounds grieving now. I've been told by a few people to think of any good memories or photographs you have and create a memory box of her favourite perfumes, clothes, jewellery, food recipes, etc. It is more than unfair for anyone to go through a loss of a loved one and it's hard to know that what has happened has happened permanently. However hopefully now you know you're not alone and i hope if anything this helps 

Hi

 I am so very sorry about your mum and the tough time you must be going through. My heart breaks for you so much but you sound like a really strong person,especially as you messaged me you're support and I thank you so much for that.

My mums celebration of life was a few weeks ago and my brother is currently putting together a memory book which is full of pictures and words from friends and family which is going to be such a lovely thing to look back on.

Of course you are already grieving, that is completely understandable and I went through these feelings the moment my mum was diagnosed with secondary cancer in her brain. The bitter blow was when we were told she was on the mend but then sadly died so soon after treatment. I don't think either of our situations is any less tragic and I truly know how hard it is.

Be there for your mum,tell her how loved she is and please try to look after yourself.

much love and I'm here to talk always

charlotte x

Hi Charlotte,

I am so glad to hear that you are finding it helpful to hear from others in a similar situation. Sometimes we feel that we are the only ones going through such a difficult time, and it is often good for us to realise that we are by no means alone in our heartache.

I am so glad to hear that you are determined to stay positive, as this is what your mum would have wanted you to do.

You have no need to feel guilty about your feelings. When you are watching a loved one fading away before your eyes, it is heart-breaking , especially when there is nothing that you can do to ease her suffering. I think that this is a regret that we all feel at times, and it often manifests itself as guilt. You were there for her right to the end, which I’m sure wasn’t easy. Even when the body is unconscious, medics tell us that the patient can often still hear loved ones talking to them, so I’m sure that this was of great comfort to your mum.

Look after yourself and try your very best to stay focussed.

With best wishes,

Jolamine xx

So I am here again, I thought I was doing so well but then it's just hit me like a brick....I miss my mum and don't know what to do without her . X

Hi Charlotte, 

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. My dad was diagnosed with all's leukaemia in january 2016 & died March 2016 at home in his sleep. My mum found him & phoned me screaming down the phone. It was completely unexpected as although we knew it was incurable we were told he had around 2 years as they were giving chemo to try & help. Watching him slowly waste away was awful.  For me I don't think it really hit me straight away, my dad had arranged his funeral so my mum didn't have to but I had to choose a reading & i remember breaking Down. Everyone deals with greif their own way, if you want to scream & cry do it. I found & still find the silly things the hardest, i still go to phone him now. It was the kids school holidays when dad died & i remember the first day back & the kids & parents laughing, chatting & running round the playground & i found it really overwhelming, life was going on & my dad wasn't there. My eldest didn't cope well, wouldn't talk about it & was very angry for ages. 

If you have questions about the way things were dealt with in hospital, ask them or it will only eat you up, do you have a mcmillan nurse that could help you?

I still miss my dad everyday but the pain does get easier, just take it as it comes, do what you need to do & don't be afraid to talk about your mum, laugh & cry at all the memories. Xx

Thank you so much for your message and I'm sorry for the delayed response.

i have been away in morocco for a break (I went there 11 years ago with my mum) and to reminisce. I feel like this whole thing has massively changed me and don't think I'll ever be the same again. How do you cope without your best mate by your side!

im so sorry about your dad,I can imagine how hard it must have been for you all. Life sucks at times hey ! 

I hope your right in that the pain gets easier x

It's now 3 months on since my mum has left me and I can't say it's got any easier! I've started to think that maybe I should have looked for answers as to why she died. Was I just too overwhelmed with grief ? Why didn't I ask more questions ?