hi, i lost my dad to cancer back in 2001 (yes that far back) and i dont think ive properly dealt with it. He smoked 20 a day for 30 years until deciding to quit in his fifties. Then he was diagnosed with a tumour in the left lung that went from being the size of a pea to a small orange in the space of a year. Even then he was optimistic about beating it, regardless of needing an oxygen canister to beath. August 2001 I got a call that he had died suddenly from the growth (will spare you the details) which went through me like a knife. I then spent the next two years making sure my mum was ok as she attempted suicide out of grief twice. Because of that I dont think I had a chance to fully come to terms with it all, so even today I get angry at him for smoking and doing this to himself. Then almost instantly sad that it happened to him at all!