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My heart is breaking

Fionaxxx
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I lost my husband and best friend a little over a year ago to lung cancer. I had to watch my gorgeous hunk of a fella, hard working,,kind and generous to a fault, waste away to nothing,;where he couldn't,  walk, breathe, eat , he could do nothing for himself. He was 56 when diagnosed and stayed with us for 8 months. I meet him when he was 7 and I was 5 at primary school and we ended up getting married at 16 with 2 beautiful daughters by the time I was 20. I don't think I can ever get over loosing him. I try everything for the sake of my daughters and 5 grandchildren but the feeling is always there, I am alone, my family is broken with one of the big main larger than life chactactors , the main stay is missing, like a missing piece of a jigsaw and I can't ever put it right, no ever. I feel like crying all the time and stay at home a lot so I can. My daughters and I are so close, but I can't talk to them as they told me it hurts them, so I pretend in front of my children and grandkids that I'm fine but inside I feel dead. To the world he was one person, but to me he was my whole world. Is anybody going through similar or has been I would love to hear from you, maybe give me a glimmer of hope, but for now I stand alone. Missing you bri xx 

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    Hi Fiona,

    I don't come by here too often any more but I did today and I saw your post and felt that I had to reply to you.

    My wife Melaine died of a cancer related to ovarian a couple of years ago now. She was 52 - Last Christmas I suddenly realised I was suddenly older than her when she died. The cang=cer was genetic - her mother died of the same almost exactly 30 years earlier, her brother 6 months before her and a host of cousins. My daughter is thankfully free of the gene.

    I found this forum incredibly helpful after she was gone. Talking to people about the incredible pain made it just a little more bearable each time and I found more and more ways to distract myself. I simply would not allow myself to sit and dwell on the past. Every time I found myself thinking of it I would find something to do. Not because I didn't want to think of her - it was just too painful then and thinking about it reinforced the pain - when you're grieving your mind continually seems to come back to the most painful memories - believe me your mind is your worst enemy in grief!

    In time I found I could think about even the most painful memories such as her last moments without breaking down and now I find I can think about her with quiet fondness.

    People grieve at different rates - I'm lucky but I worked at it too - I simply refused to live in the past

    I'm now seeing a really lovely lady that I met who understands that I will always carry a small part of Melanie with me.

    That may not be for you but don't rule it out

    Just remember that getting over grief is something that you have to work at - it's not disrespectful to your late partner he would want you to as I'm sure you would have wanted him to had the situation been reversed.

     

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    Hi Fiona yes I know exactly how you are feeling I lost my husband 10 months ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer in June and passed away 3 weeks later he had been well up to then so it was all so sudden and we had no time to take it all in he deteriated so quick, we were 3weeks away from our ruby wedding anniversary, no matter what we do our lives will never be the same like you I feel a part of me is missing the loneliness and empty house is the worst, I to have good children and grandchildren and we find talking about him keeps him with us we are all different and cope in different ways I'm just glad when  I get through another day I keep busy and have managed to get a little job 3 days a week which has kept me sane please try and go out more even just a few hours the more you stay on your own the more you have time to think because I was the same , have you tried going to abereavement group where you could talk about your husband we have to take one day at a time small steps for how ever long it takes you are not alone there are so many of us here feeling as you are I send you love and a hug maria x

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