Dear Janeyjane2

I am sorry to read your story and my heart goes out to you and your children.  My son was 34 when he was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and full liver mets april 2016.  He had he bowel tumour removed beginning of may and got married ten days later.  He endured all that chemo and trial drugs did to him. lived his life to the max (as much as the cancer would allow) was only in his bed for two days and died with us all with him peacefully. Ten days after his 35th birthday.  There are no guide books, no right or wrong way to behave.  Everyone has to  cope with this in their own way, accept help that is offered.  My husband and I and our two daughters are learning to live a life without his physical presence which is very difficult, I still do not accept that he is never going to walk through my door again, even though I was with him when he died and obviously my brain knows this but my heart does not.  We talk about him all the time .  His wife lives a couple of miles away, one of my daughters still lives with us and the other is married with a little boy and lives ten miles away so we are lucky to have each other to lean on.  Your child should never die before you and that is the truth.  The hole that is in my heart and soul will never go away and I dont think I want it to.  As you say the unfinished life is hard to take, all that knowledge and personality gone,  My life while he had cancer was trying to help, alleviate his pain have a much knowledge about his particular cancer and then the morning after he died I thought what will I do now? I think about him all the time I know that my grandson makes me laugh and gives me joy, my daughters love and care about me as does my husband but my son, who I  loved so much, suffered and I could not make him better and that hurts because you should be able to make everything better for your children.

I am sorry that I have nothing really to offer but I feel your pain and hope that you and your children have comfort in each other and friends and family to help. 

love lesliexx

Hi,

It is 5 years since your beautiful boy left. My 18 year old son has just been diagnosed with sarcoma in his leg. He might survive. I hope with all my heart he does and I know I am not the person you asked to respond. The reason I write is simply to say what we all know - life delivers the cruellest blows indiscriminately. Your pain must still be indescribable. I would love to see a world in which this never happened to you. I hope that those who love you have been able to help you in some way and that you can find some way of coping. Cruellest of all, strength has to be found because there is no other choice. Your son was a great son. Leaving unbelievably too soon does not diminish that one tiny bit.

Love,

Matt.

Hello Janey,  it's many years since you lost your precious boy and I'm sure the deep sadness is still there and the huge vacuum still exists.   I'm beginning to realise that that's what happens when you lose a child. 
 

I lost my 39 ye old son to a rare and aggressive sarcoma Rhabdomyosarcoma on January 8 last year and the pain is intense.   He has 2 little ones and a distraught wife.

I hope the journey is a little better for you now although the pain and sense of loss never goes away.

I hope too that my grief softens so I can live the normal, happy life which evades me now.