Cancer Research UK main site

I've just lost someone to cancer

Mouse123
Offline

Yesteday a girl at my school passed away with cancer. I would love to be able to call her my friend but I do not have that privilege, I was merely her aquaintence. She had beaten cancer once before and had spent half her life fighting for one, nothing seems more unfair. It seems so selfish for me to grieve, but I feel so useless, a few of my friends were extremely close to her and I am unable to take away their pain. She is truely inspirational and my biggest regret is not making her time here as special as I could have. My school has done a lot for her especially today, setting up a safe place and giving us people to talk to. I would just like to ask how can I help? How can I ease the pain that has been thrust apon those who I love? I know time is a large factor but it doesn't seem enough, so I would really appreciate some advice.

M age 16

  • Hello Mouse123,

    On behalf of all the team here at Cancer Chat please accept our condolences. 

    There is a link I want to share with you on coping with grief and if your pain becomes too intense don't hesitate in reaching out to Samaritans, they are available to talk to 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: www.samaritans.org/.../contact-us

    Best wishes,

    Renata
    Cancer Chat moderator

  • Offline
    Hi M, I am deeply saddened to hear of your loss. You sound like a caring person who is in genuine pain. Although you can't take away your friends great loss and grief of the young lady they were close to, you can be there for them. Let them know that you are not afraid of the overwhelming grief that they are experiencing. OR if you are, tell them that you dont know exactly what to say or exactly how they feel but you WILL be there. Tell them they can call you anytime. If the friend who passed away loved animals, maybe have everyone get together soon in her honor to take food/toys/blankets to an animal shelter. If she loved art, perhaps have a day of "painting" for her where you guys paint and donate the pics to kids schools, etc. Be together, cry together, remember funny stories together. share your regret thata you did not know her better. Determine to do one kind thing a day in her honor and share it with her friends... or keep it as a private gift to her memory. walk in the sun together. remember the pain DOES lessen over time. Things do get easier when you find simple ways to make the world a better place in her honor. Even a smile to a stranger can spread the love. May peace and comfort find you, dear one. From a nurse in Boston, USA
  • Offline in reply to 4Todayonly
    Hello nurse from Boston, I cannot thank you enough, I took your advice on doing things to remember her by, but I also wanted to help the cause and so I went to my local cancer research and purchased a shirt with an inspirational quote on it. Which reads "sometimes to see the rainbow you have to deal with the rain" she was truely an inspiration and so I thought the shirt was perfect. I have told my friends both that I'm struggling but I also want to support them and I owe you a big thanks as the mood has began to rise and the pain seems to have eased a smudge ever since. I am extremely appreciative of your advice and I would like to thank you for being a kind stranger you really helped me out. M :)
  • Offline in reply to Mouse123

    Hi There, Mouse.

    What a great quote for your friend. Loved your shirt idea! Beautiful.

    i am sooo very glad you are feeling a bit better, Grief really is like the ocean tide, it comes and goes. But it DOES get better. 

    I wanted you to know that I found a neat idea to remember my mom. They have wild flower seed packages that can have your loved ones picture placed on it. Even a favorite saying. Then you plant them and they return every year. My mom would have loved that.

    So very glad you are chatting with your friends, honey. Keep talking to them and others who care for you. I am so glad you are not alone. There are more people who care about you than you know.

    Keep your chin up!  Have you heard the song "carry on" by Fun? Check it out. You might like the video on youtube.

    =)  Boston nurse 

  • Offline in reply to 4Todayonly

    Hell again Boston Nurse,

    I would first like to apologise to you for the loss of your mum, I can't begin to imagine that experience. But also that the flower idea was beautiful and although I am unable to do such a thing I did purchase some flowers for her. 

    Her funeral was a couple of days ago and I did not attend, there was an open invitation however it was decided that I wouldn't go. After all I was merely her aquaintence and it seemed insensitive to try and make the effort now, but I am also in the middle of my GCSE's which somehow shape the rest of my life in one way or another and so selfishly I did not attend. 

    Me and my friends are doing okay, the world still continues and although that is hard to comprehend,it has been brought to my attention that dwelling on such things is not the way to prevent them in the future or what she would have wanted so alas I resume  

    I am more then familiar with the band! They're are truely splendid and they now mean so much more to me knowing they're are also appreciated by a kind stranger such as yourself. 

    Thank you once again, M :)

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.