Hi Marie,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. It is early days yet for you and people cope with grief in different ways.

Life may seem futile at present but you have a lot to look forward to. What a pity that your mum went so young. I’m sure that you would love to have had her at your wedding. Losing a parent is a huge thing and it is when you suddenly realise that you are now one of the older generation in the family.

People say that you learn to cope with this in time. I think that it is more a case that you come to terms with all that has happened. I lost my mum in 1997 after battling cancer for 12 years and I still miss her every day, but in a different way than I did immediately after her death.

I had a husband, two young children and a full time job to look after and, for their sakes, I had to get on with living life. This is precisely what my mum would have wanted me to do and, she would have taken enormous pride in seeing what they have achieved in life. I now have grandchildren. Sadly, she never met them, but they are now our focus and we get great pleasure from them.

Like you, I thought that life was no longer worth living at the time, but twenty years have now passed and I can honestly say that the family is enjoying life again, albeit, we will always have a void.

You will find that it is an exciting time moving into your first home and I’m sure that you will find plenty to do to make it into a home instead of just a house. Who knows, maybe in a few years’ time you will bring a new generation into that home? I’m sure that your mum will be watching over you in everything you do and will be very proud of all that you achieve.

Meanwhile it is not at all unusual to suffer a whole raft of emotions at this time. This is a natural process and you will probably cry a lot too. There are some pretty good grief counselling services around if you feel that this might help you. Can you discuss how you are feeling with you fiancé? Being able to talk about things can be easier than bottling them up.

I do hope that you will feel a little better soon, but this is a slow process. Do not despair of feeling like this forever. You are young and I am sure that life will look better in time.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Dearest Marie,

I am so sorry, terribly sorry, that your heart is broken and your missing your mom so much. My mom is dying of head and neck cancer and it is so hard to watch. BUT i am very lucky because I have had her for 30 years.

The point is....well, that your mom will always be with you. In your heart and in your head, you will hear her. In the flowers she loved, you will see her. You will tell your kids amazing stories about her one day. You will make her proud by putting one foot in front of the other. Just for today.

I lost my dad to cancer last year. Damn caner. I hate that word.  The pain is a roller coaster but it DOES get easier. you DO smile again. you learn to live a new life, even though you might not be ready for that, eventually you will get a new "normal". Right now, just keep reaching out. Let people know how you feel. be honest, raw and open and lean on those you love. 

I try to find one small thing a day that makes me smile. An old song, a walk with my dog, a coffee with friends.

It will get better. There is hope. Carry on.

Deb from USA