Hi Meg,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my  mum to cancer after a twelve year battle. That was in 1997 and I still miss her every day. People will tell you that it gets easier with the passage of time - and it does.

I had two young children back then and had to keep going for them and slowly I began to look forward to other family matters instead of dwelling on my mum 24/7. Some days are worse than others. I must have cried buckets of tears when nobody was around and found this a great release valve.

Did you find counselling helpful? It sounds to me as if you might benefit from more or have you considered joining a club for grieving relatives. It can be a great help to talk to others face-to-face and realise that others are suffering too.

Towards the end mum had a similar experience to your mum. She was in a lot of pain and this was not being properly controlled. She was also terrified of dying.

 My one consolation in her passing is that she is no longer suffering.

I hope that my tale gives you some hope for the future. Don't forget that we are all here to support one another, so feel free to come back and to rant and rave as much as you want - we've nearly done so!

kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Megcc23My wife passed 3 weeks ago after a short unexpected 3 weeks fight with cancer. I am living in a different world at this minute. I would say that grief seems to hit us all in different ways. I too lost my mum to cancer when I was very young. I wouldn't say I got over it and just came to terms with it. I understand the loss you feel almost like losing your right arm. I still cannot come to terms with my wife going in 3 weeks. I question why and I find it hard to function. One thing I do realise is talking and speaking to people helps. Surround yourself with family and friends as I am. There is no time limit and no day will be the same again. Just talk and just take each day as it comes. Your mum my mum my wife they will all still love us. We have the hard task on earth. You will be okay and nothing will change quickly. You and I will be okay and I pray they comfort you and you pray for them too

andy