I have just joined the forum & wanted to simply write what i am feeling. I'm 31 pregnant with my first child and lost my dad in January this year. He was only 60. He was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma in August last year and even after surgery became metastatic within months. He didnt respond wwll to chemo either and died right infront of my eyes. I am the only child and i try to put up a brave face infront of my mother all the time as im the only one she has now and i dont want her to go into depression. But im just crumbling inside at the thought that he couldnt see my child, that he is no longer going to be around, that i wont hear his voice again, that maybe i didnt do enough for him, didnt fight hard enough for him. This entire thing came as a shock as he was fit and fine until last ywar August and a huge blow when things spiralled down so quickly, leading to his demise. I dont know what i can do now? I want to almost live in denial but i know thats not the way. Im struggling to come to terms with it and be happy about the child coming into our lives.
