Dear Leigh60, Duck & Hippiess. l understand everything you are all going through. I lost my precious Kev 20months ago from Bile Duct cancer, which had spread to his liver and spine. He was diagnosed in Feb2015 and died on Aug 1st. I am 61 now, the age Kev was when he died and l miss him every day. My two sons live away & l feel so lonely at weekends mainly. I have terrific friends & see my sis & her family often, but it still doesn't fill the void of the closeness l had with my hubby. We'd been together 32 yrs and l still find using the term widow upsetting. I need to have the tv/ radio on all the time that I'm in the house & talk to him all the time. Since Kev died I've decorated & bought some new furniture, which l know he would approve have approved of. I go out whenever friends invite me and get quite giddy when either of my boys & their girlfriends visit. I then feel like alittle bit of Kev has come back.....they both have mannerisms of him. To say this life we all have now gets easier is abit misleading. I prefer to say that you get into a routine that enables one to cope somehow. I still cry, as a release & retreat to my bed on bad days.....but I've also laughed and actually enjoyed times too. It's a journey that l never envisaged I'd have to walk on, but my Kev would tell me to keep on going....and so my loves that is what l intend to do. I'm tending the garden, decorating and surrounding myself with people who understand that l still talk about him. He made me who l am...he was my rock, my best friend, my life and somehow I've got through almost 20mths. If someone had told me that just weeks into loosing him, I wouldn't have thought it possible. The pain l felt was unbearable, but with help from the many posts on this forum & my family/ friends I'm surviving......and you all will too. Sending big, big hugs. XXX