Hi there, I'm really sorry to see you've lost your mum. I can relate to your feelings, I lost my Dad October 2015. 5 weeks after losing him I was at my absolute worst, crying all day. As soon as you wake the first thing that would hit me was the lose of my dad, it would be on my mind all day. Now I'm further along the process it's not on my mind every minute, I think of him every day and still shed tears each week for him. It takes a long time for things to ease. I have those blips where I wish I was with my dad but on the flip side of the coin our parents would want us on earth fulfilling our dreams and maybe some of theirs. We get to stay here and tell stories of their past. If their journeys teach us anything, it's that we have one shot at this life, grab it with both hands and live it! Do you have any other family you can speak with? Of course we in the forum are all here for support x

That's the bit that shatters me most too, being told those words and mum knowing my amazing lovely incredible mum. I like to think I did give mum some positive thoughts, I found so many articles of women that had lived healthy and happy lives with secondaries for 7-8 years, it's beyond painful to think that we only had 3 weeks from diagnosis I still can't get my head around it. My brother says that 3 weeks knowing that horrible prognosis was better than 3 years for mum but it still makes my heart fall in to the pit of my stomach. I have my dad, husband and my brother lives 2 hours away but my mum was truly my world, I was her shadow since I was born I don't think I will ever get used to this. It's good you're back at work, you're so brave and strong x I'm failing miserabley over here, sitting in a vegetative state, I've tried doing other things but that spot on the couch is now the comfort zone xx

Hi Alera,

I'm so sorry that your mum passed away. My mum passed away 4 weeks ago and I feel the same as you, knowing that she won't be in my life is heartbreaking and there really are no words. I can't imagine how difficult and how much of a shock it must have been only having 3 weeks from diagnosis - that is incredibly quick and nowhere near enough time to try and come to terms with everything, and to make your peace with the cards your mum was dealt. However I agree with your brother - my mum lived 9 month from diagnosis and at first refused palliative treatment because she knew she was dying either way. She was on death's door when she had a change of heart and went ahead with emergency chemotherapy. Sadly, it is an incredibly awful and tough treatment, she became so much sicker, just to keep herself alive. She spent 5 months completely bed ridden (4 of those in hospital) she was so thin and weak and in pain... the worst state you can imagine. Seeing her go through that in a bid for a little more time, knowing that she wasn't going to make a strong recovery was absolutely heartbreaking and just the thought of her having to go through that at all makes me sick. Of course having even a second more time with her was the most precious thing, however if I could trade in those last 5 months to give her back her beauty, dignity, peace.... I would give anything. I am sending you all the love and well wishes in this world - there is no right or wrong way to grieve and you should embrace every emotion you feel. Look out for signs of your mum - I see mine from time to time.

Gabi xxx

Thanks for your lovely message Michelle it's comforting to know I'm not alone x So sorry to hear about your dad too. Family wise I've got my dad, husband and brother but my mum was truly my best friend, I miss little chats about things you can't chat about with men and at the moment everywhere I go I remember I was there not a long time ago with mum not knowing at all that this was ahead of us. X

Hi Gabis, thank you for responding your profile pic made me cry, so gorgeous. The 9 months you had sound brutal and the 5 months in hospital must have been beyond words. We were in a side room for 4 days and I didn't sleep a wink even though the hospital were kind enough to arrange an extra bed. When my mum passed she still looked so beautiful, head full of black hair, golden skin but it truly kills me that I'll never see her beautiful blue eyes again, the last time I saw them it was the day after she had been admitted at this post she had been on the Syringe Driver for nearly twenty four hours and I was laying next to her holding her arm and all of a sudden she turned round looked at me and for a second I thought omg she doesn't know who I am but of course she knew it was me and squeezed my hand love her so much, I pray that heaven exists and I'll see her again. Big love to you and your family too, it's just the worst situation ever and I don't think people truly understand unless they have been through it themselves. X

Its been 7 weeks since i lost my beautiful mom my best friend its the most hardest time of my life not a day goes by that I don't cry.and then I think no more fighting  to this awful disease she fought it twice 3rd time lost her body cudnt take no more .we all miss our love ones and I hope one day a cure is found as to many people are taken this way i think of my mom up in heaven relaxing no operations no chemo no radio love her and miss her

omg my luv. i know how awful it is to lose ur mum.... i went thru absolute hell,,,,  my mum had a brain tumour so we knew the outcome.... it was hell....we knew but she didnt. they just get weaker and weaker until they no longer want to do anything at all. but it does get easier as time goes on, i know ev 1 says that but it really does. your mum would not want you to feel like this now, would she. think of all the good times u had together and cherish them, you need to speak to ur gp and explain how u r feeling. and also you should also go to councelling with a bereavement councillor, it will help i promise. xxx

Hi Gabi

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum

I lost my mum 10th February, she was only diagnosed on the 7th and was given 4-6weeks but only lasted 3days.

She had no idea she had cancer until she was resent for more blood tests and chest xray and after being admitted to hospital and having mri brain scans ( for double vision and wonky eyes) and ct scans it was said it was suspected to be lung cancer, and by the time we got to the results the following week the confirmed it along with the fact it had spread to her brain and she had a tumour, we were told she could try chemo but that would only prolong her life by a matter of a moth and in that time she would be so sick and possibly not even survive the strength of chemo ( she already had an incurable disease) 

So when I read your part about not wanting to go through treatment i can completely relate, it would have been selfish to have even suggested it, she asked me andyour dad if we would support her dicision and we said totally even tho we were as shocked and devestated as we  were, her needs were priority, it was her life and her dicision to make and we supported her wanted to not have to have treatment  and live what time she had left at home surrounded by all of us, i cared for her every need and helped her make a video for my dad, we didn't realise she would determinate so quick over the next few days so when I did the video it really was the last chance I would have had, because she couldnt really talk much by the next day as that's her last full day alive.

I dont know if im being brave or it hasnt really even hit me yet but while im happy i embrace it and when im sad I feel like the world doesnt understand how my heart is breaking but one day I pray i will see her again and we can be together but for now I have a husband and 2 small children who depend on me to survive this and for them I have to. 

You must be so sad with watching your mum deteriorate and im so sad for you, I saw my mum get worse and u helped her with nearly everything near the end and I cant imagine doing that for months, like you say you would do anything for 1 more minute but not selfishly because then that means to see them suffer. 

Stay strong xxx