Hi.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my amazing dad and best Friend 7 months ago in July. He was 72, but a very young at heart and (as we thought) fit and strong. He fell ill in May, diagnosed in June gone by mid July. We cared for him at home until the end and although it was horrific it was what he wanted and I am so pleased we were all with him. I have a 4 and 7 year old. I too went through all the emotions you now are. It was awful. Also, so very lonely as no one else in my closest friends or family had been through it and they just don't get it. You hear all the cliché's and they don't help. I did end up speaking to a councillor where I could "off load" without fear of upsetting anyone. I also read quite a lot of books on bereavement. Not necessarily by professionals but by people who had been through it and it was comforting to read what I was feeling was "normal". What you don't realise is it makes you question everything. It is not only mourning your loss but the life and the person you were before. It is so tough. Especially when you have a young family who need you and don't understand. I can tell you it does get easier. Someone described grieving like being stood in the ocean and the waves keep knocking you over. It is true. Time does not "heal" but the waves get smaller and less frequent. Take care. Take each day at a time xx