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I lost my dad in December and I'm 19

9724
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Hi, 

I lost my dad in December after a drawn out two year battle with cancer. I'm 19 and I'm at university and it's just started to sink in that he's really not coming back. I'm finding it so hard to get over the memories of the last few weeks when he didn't know who he was or where he was, he just wasn't really him. I don't want to remember that. 

And really all I want right now is to get a hug and for him to tell me I'm doing good, because university is hard and it's even harder when you're trying to cope with this too. 

He was my best friend and I miss him so so much. What can I do to make it easier? 

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    Hi there, I'm in a similar situation to you - I'm 24 and lost my Dad in March after a 3 year battle with MND. I know that's different from cancer but I understand the struggle of having your parent pass away after battling a terminal illness. I'm also at uni too and had similar thoughts to you. If you are struggling you can speak to your student union within the uni. They'll have representatives and you can take a year out. With exceptional circumstances such as parental death the uni normally has funding too so it doesn't impact on Student Finance entitlement etc - Just something which may be helpful to know if you're struggling this year. You will get through it though. There's counselling and quite often phone lines at universities, which may be helpful. Just don't be harsh on yourself and take it easy. Your wellbeing and grieving space is important. I took time out and my plan is to take some of my Dad's ashes in a necklace on graduation or something belonging to him so that he's 'there'. My friend lost her Mum and took a framed photograph of her Mum to her graduation. That might help to focus on graduating and having part of your Dad there on the day too? As for things that help - I think it's just time which is the healer. I tend to laugh more about stupid or embarrassing things my Dad done now but there's always still sad days although the sad days are more manageable.
  • Offline in reply to Jo1992D
    Hi, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. No matter what the illness, loosing a parent is awful. The uni has been really good about it, and as I was half way through the year I decided to carry on, but they have given me loads of extensions. I ended up with a new student finance as well, so thankfully that wasn't a problem. That's a really nice idea to be able to have your dad there! I keep thinking about all the things he won't be there to witness, and graduation is definitely one of them. I hope you get back to university soon and keep thinking of that day when you can leave it behind! You'll be amazing I'm sure. And if we can get through this, then I suppose we can get through anything. Thank you for your advice, it really helps to hear from someone who is going through the same.
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    Hi hun I'm 35 it doesn't get easier losing our family but when we're daddy's girls it's so hard here if need a chat.. my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer November 2016 and only found out yesterday it's stage 4. I'm crying all the time have panic attacks trying to keep a brave face on for my children it's hard but as long as we have the support at home or online we can get threw this x hugs hun 

  • Offline in reply to Hayleymomof3boys

    That's horrible, I'm so sorry for you. but as you say, there's a lot of support around, so make sure you use it. Stay strong x

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    Ahhhhh.....I feel so sad for you. I am a father aged 62 years and have been diagnosed with PC ....not terminal but a shock to hear the news as I am so fit and active and I have yet to tell my kids 19, 19 and 26 years old and not sure the best time or way to do so. If your Dad battled for 2 years and was your best friend ....he will , in spirit, know you are doing well. He will not doubt have walked with you in your dreams and will do so throughout your life  -  you'll see.

    You may not be religious ....but remember one thing - you are the arrow which your father shot into the future ...do well, and make him proud in how you live and how you treat others. In times of indecision - ask 'what would Dad have told me to do if he was beside me' - and if you knew your Dad - then you WILL  know the answer. Wish you all the best for your future.

  • Offline in reply to PureAsh

    I'm so sorry for you - my dad always struggled in telling my brother and I the news...he rarely spoke about it so when he did we always knew it was bad news. if I were to give you any advice there it would be to talk to your children about it. They need to understand what it all means, and to know exactly what's happening. It was a horrible feeling not knowing exactly what was happening. 

    Thank you for saying that. You can't imagine what good timing your message was. I'm having a tough day and I have a lot of work to do and today I couldn't do anything. And then I read your message and I felt so much more motivated. So thank you and good luck with your journey. 

    Best wishes to you and your family. 

  • Offline in reply to 9724

    Hugs and stay strong .we're all here yr never alone in this .

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    I'm sorry to hear your dad has passed away. I lost my dad for different reasons to yours at 14 going on 15 and was at the time of my GCSE’S that was 22 years ago and I'm now 36. I still miss him every day.

    I'd get support from the people around you and seek out maybe a counselling group somewhere - if it's right for you.

    Also what I do is talk to him as if he is with me - even now!!! So something like hi dad my exams went well today something like that? It helped me let my emotions go even if I do have a little cry afterwards sometimes.

    Also if this is you. Keep a diary. Writing down your feelings is a good way I also found of dealing with it.

    Just remember he is still with you in your heart and knows how much you love him.

    I hope this helps x

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