I lost my Dad in 2015 and have just not been the same since. (WARNING - this post might upset those with a delicate stomach.

I have Bipolar Disorder as well as physical issues due to Osteo-Arthritis. My moods have been very very low since he passed.

It was very sudden, he seemed to be getting better, the test results were showing that. However, he suddenly and unexpectedly started coughing up blood. It didn't stop. I hope this isn't too gruesome for people. But the medical terms don't explain in simple terms. 

He had stage 4 Lung Cancer, was given 12 months max, and got to 8 months. He had smoked almost all his life until only a few short years before his diagnosis. He was a heavy smoker so I guess it wasn't really a surprise in that was, but he was responding to treatment, so I still don't understand how this could happen. 

For about the first 12 months I think I was in shock. Then after the 1 year anniversary, my mental health deteriorated, and I had to ask my husband to stop working and be at home to help me. I was in such a bad way I was worried I might hurt myself or worse.

It has been 5 months since my husband stopped working, and while his presence at home is a huge comfort to me, nothing can take away the loss I feel for my father.

Anyway, just wanted to get right in and tell my story. 

Thanks for reading.