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Dealing with the loss of a parent is so hard...

steff
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Hi all, 

I sadly lost my mum aged 47 at the end of November 2016, where she finally lost her battle to metastatic breast cancer.

I'm still struggling with how to deal with it (I'm 23) as I feel like no one really understands what I'm going through. I find myself getting jealous of people when I see them out with their mums and find myself getting frustrated when people moan about their mums at work. 

And to make matters worse I'm currently planning for my wedding but just doesn't seem right without my mum. She never got the chance to help me with anything as she was too ill at the time and didn't even know my wedding date as she sadly passed away 2 days before we had booked it. 

 

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    Hi Steff,

    I lost my dad aged 58 in October 2016, he lost his battle after fighting for 4 and half years and having numerous operations.  It initially started as Bladder cancer but when he died it had gone to lots of other places.

    I know how you're feeling, I get jealous sometimes that my husband still has both his parents and when other people are with their dads in the street or a restaurant I could cry.

    I can't say it will get easier because I'm not sure it will.  I think you just think about it less as the months go on but then one day you'll hear a song or your thoughts will go to the parent and you'll be in floods of tears as if it just happened all over again.

    My sister got married 19 days after my dad died and it was so tough for her as me and my other sister have pictures with him on our wedding day and she doesn't :(

    What we tried and still try to remember is that our dad and I'm sure your mum would want you to live a happy life and enjoy your wedding day and yes you will have some moments of sadness on your wedding day but you also need to enjoy the day for what it is about you and your husband and your future happiness.

    Here if you want to chat.

    Sam

     

  • Offline in reply to Mellowmum

    Hi Sam, 

    So sorry to hear about your dad :( I feel the exact same with my fiancé and my friends. My best friends mum had breast cancer (which was the same as my mum) when we were in high school, she survived and I always think why did her mum beat it and mine didn't, why did cancer have to take my mum? 

    I can imagine that was so hard not just for your sister but for you all as a family. I feel similar to your sister as my brother has my mum on his wedding pictures and I unfortunately won't. We had planned to start going wedding dress shopping, when my mum was better as she had been taken into hospital. But that never happened as we were told the cancer had spread to various parts of mums vital organs and she had hours/days if that to live. 

    I know my mum will want me to be happy on my wedding day and I'm sure I will, just will be very hard. I'm finding it hard planning as mum was really looking forward to helping me, and she never got too involved in planning my brothers wedding. I'm sure I'll try and involve her in some sort of way on the day. 

     

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    Hi Steff,

    I am so sorry to hear about your lovely Mum. 

    X

  • Offline in reply to dunanat1

    Thanks dunanatt1 she was truly an amazing woman who was taken far too soon. 

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    Hi I can empathise cos my parents died. I found making life albums to be comforting. I also have their photos in frames. 

    Your mum is with you in your heart. If it helps take a photograph of her with you to your big day. You could say a few words to her so you feel better. You could write to her, keep it and read it whenever you feel the need.

    I'm here if ever you feel like a chat. Take care and all the best xx

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