Hello everyone

Im looking for some help, at the age of 56 my dad got diagnosed with kidney cancer back in September last year (4 months ago) after further scans and X-rays it turned out he had had this Tumor for over 7 years, and it was over 13inches or cms long (can't remember) unfortunately this had spread to his lungs and was systemic. So no cure, however as the doctors has said he had a strong healthy heart and he was fit and young, the treatment he could have would help him and although it wouldn't cure it, it would prolong his life for years. So he started this chemo back in September and come the November we found out it hasn't worked and it had spread more, my dad's consultant then put him on another chemo tablet. As dad was taking these, his calcium levels shot yo dangerously high and was re admitted to hospital, he was still in sever pain and he hated the way it was making him feel. He said it was no life for him. Over the course of this time, he has radpidly started loosing weight and his stomach was becoming bigger, his calcium was still high and he was spending more and more time back and forth the hospital. He was told when he was on this treatment he would be able to live a normal life and continue as he had been, but this just wasn't the case. He was still in so much pain, his weight continued to drop and yet again he was back in hospital. But this time he didn't come out, i had a call on Monday, he had taken a turn for the worst and was starting to drown in his own body fluids, the doctors put him on a syringe driver and filled it with a medicine to try and disperse the water from him lungs, but after 24 hours it was certain it hadn't worked. They could do no more for him, that was it, the they suggested putting him on the diamorphine so he was comfortable and to let him slip away. This was on Monday just gone. I got there at 8pm and have only just got home now, I didn't leave his side. All day and all night. Today was different, I popped out to get a coffee, and when I came back he had gone. The nurses told me he was obviously waiting for me to leave as he didn't want to see it. I'm gonna go with that. He was such a bloody fighter, and fought all the way to the end, even springing up in bed yesterday from coughing! He even sat in his chair. Turns out that's what happens when his body is trying for one last fight, that's correct, as it was his one last fight, he died this afternoon at the age of 56,leaving me behind at the age of 32. What I'm really struggling with is the fact his last thoughts were that he was going to get his chest drained and start new chemo, instead I've just been to visit him in the chapel of rest. (This was unbelievably hard) seeing his little face there. His end of life drivers went in yesterday,  he died today at 12:55. I'm currently sat with his tshirt on and holding his glasses, worrying how I am ever going to get over this. Please help me. 

Yours sincncerly 

a very broken girl