I am 29 years old, and lost my wonderful, beautiful mom on Wednesday, 11th Jan. She was diagnosed wit cecal cancer with mets to the liver exactly 4 months and 3 weeks to the day. I never knew much about cancer until it struck our family so intimately - my mom struggled every day. She only managed 3 chemo rounds, and between that was in and out of hospital with side-effects and infections. She passed away in our home, with us beside her. At the end stages I was praying that she would be taken as she was suffering completely - no longer eating or drinking as she was unable to swallow, no longer able to see us, and in constant pain despite all the drugs given to her. She was only 53 years old. 

yesterday I woke up entirely numb to everything and started with all the paperwork that goes with a death, but last night and today... I just can't cope with anything. I slept clutching her pillows, and breakdown everytime i read a condolence message or look at pictures. I miss her so much, it physically feels that I am losing part of me - my heart feels like it is broken, my soul is shattered. I dont know how I will go on - she was my person, my hero, my best friend, my mom. 

I dont know how I am going to go on. I dont even know if i can. She wont be here anymore... how do people do this?! My heart is bleeding, I just dont know what to do.