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Mum died yesterday :(

Sophiee
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Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer last December and passed away at a hospice yesterday at 3.50. I'm 27 and I just can't believe it, How on earth can I live without her? I know she wants me to go on and be happy but it's hard. Mum told me a week ago that she was sorry and that she couldn't fight it anymore and that broke my heart. Watching her trying to catch a breath and that rattling noise will haunt me forever. I spent a couple of hours with her after she died, talking to her. A few days before her death she was in extreme agony and I asked her if she would rather be asleep and in no pain and she said yes, so the hospice changed the medication. I feel like she would still be alive if they didn't change the medication but she would be alive and in horrendus pain for what a week or another month? I didn't want to watch my Mum die but I was there by her side holding her hand because she was there for me all my life. The Hospice was amazing and treated my Mum with great care and made her time there a happy one. Mum was a fighter and she faught until the end, I told her it's okay to go and be with Nan and that I will be okay. I just keep thinking about her lying there alone in the hosipice now. :cry:

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    Sorry about your mom passing,

    As a terminal person myself your mom's story inspires me to be more brave and courageous about my own journey.

    Im pretty sure she is happy and alright now, she had returned home, back to the wonderful place where we all belong.

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    Hi Sophiee so sorry 4 u loss of u mum it's so sad :(  take care 

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    Hi Sophie - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mum in May 2016 and like your mum, she was in a hospice at the end. My mum was my best friend and the pain of losing her is still so raw. I miss her so much but hated seeing her suffering at the end. Please don't reflect on should or should they have not changed her medication. You did something so utterly brave and selfless by asking her and acting on her wishes. It would have made no difference to the outcome and I doubt she would have lived any longer so what it did mean is that she spent her last few days with the Ines she loved, out of pain and that is thanks to you. You should be very proud of yourself for that and I'm sure your mum would be. My mum too had the rattling noise at the end and struggled for breath and I found this really hard to watch, but the hospice assured me that it was not distressing for the patient (more distressing for those with the patient). It has been nearly 8-months for me now and I still can't believe she's gone but I'm trying to find comfort in my memories of her and the wonderful woman she was. It is so fresh for you and it may be tough for a while but you will start to see a light again as I'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to be sad. Take care of yourself. X
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    Sophie I'm going through the same as you my mum died at 7.20 am this morning .I went just before she became unconscious because I couldn't bare to watch her take her last breath..my 2 older sisters and me dad stayed until the end..now when I went home I couldn't sleep finally nodded off at about 6.00 am then I suddenly woke at 7.20 am and said to my partner I can smell my mum I said she's gone and then I smelt her again..and straight after my sister rang and told me she's gone..so I know that she's still here around me just like your mum is around you and will be forever..but I know what you mean the loss I feel is more it's well I feel like nothing inside..lost, hurting ..so take care  and remember  it had to take something like cancer to knock our mums down because they were strong.xx

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    Hello Pip99,

    I am so sorry to hear of your dear Mum's passing - there just are no words. X

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    Thanks Dunant1  your right there is no words all I know is that I'm hurting like I've never hurt  before..I keep wishing and praying  for her to come back ..I just want me mum.xx

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    I feel your pain I lost dad,( I'm 29)NYE it's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. 

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    Hi Sophie, I know exactly what you're going through right now. My father was given a few months to live two weeks ago but unfortunately passed away 11am yesterday. The hospice did the same thing with my father and sedated him. It's the best way to go, they're free of pain now. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to message me. My thoughts are with you xx

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    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mum this month and wow is it hard. I watched her take her last breaths and I haven't slept properly since. It's hard but you just have to think about her not being in any pain anymore and also think about how she would want you to live your live. She would want you to use all of your potential and Be the best person you can

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I was with my dad at the end and feel the same way about watching his last moments, it haunts me still. We had hospice at home care and the nurse who came overnight had warned me about the breathing and said it would be hard but that my dad wouldn't really be aware by then.

    My dad died in November, and you do just get through it day by day. It is still very raw, but ordinary life goes on and you get a bit swept up in it. I still go to call my dad every day and then remember I can't, it's the most awful thing. But you will get through this because it is the only thing to do. My thoughts are with you. x

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