I don't mean to sound tragic but I recently realized 1) that now that my husband is gone (41 days) baby and I are completely alone ( no available family on any side ) even though I basically mean that in a larger sense : as humans, we are all somehow alone in our Journey and 2) anyone can pass away in the blink of an eye.

You'll tell me: Of course, it has always been so. Don't think about it too much, it will get better.

I do remember it gets better... from when my mom died of cancer, from when her sister and their father died of cancer.

Now, my cousin's baby daughter  was diagnosed with the same type of leukemia as my husband... How can I not dread of loosing anyone else? The pain is so strong, when I vaguely hear the News, I don't care. Politics and stuff seem so unimportant.

What seems important right now is that no family stood by me at the funeral and that we'll be alone for Christmas.

I ll have no gift under the tree, no surprise, no kiss, no one to talk to me...baby is still mumbling...

Someone who has had a painful & difficult life recently told me we are always alone and that we will always be alone in our lives... Please tell me she's wrong...