Hi all,

i feel it's good to post on a forum where people understand what I am going through. Today I had the funeral for my father. My wedding was last Saturday. Dad joked in a black humour moment that we would have one wedding and a funeral, a bit like that Hugh Grant movie. And so it turned out. 

The funeral was dignified and honoured my father. He was much loved at work evidenced by the number of colleagues who attended. I managed to say a eulogy which was a personal tribute including stories and some memories of Dad. 

Now it's all over I feel a bit numb. The last few weeks when he was in hospital were not good. Seeing him was so upsetting. I can't erase the picture of him lying unconcious in his bed at the end. Once he knew I had gotten married he went to sleep. His heart held on for two more days. Watching him gasping for breath and waiting to see his last breath was desperately sad. 

looking back now he changed the day of his diagnosis. He was an oncologist so he knew he wasn't going to survive. It was too aggressive. 

I miss him so much.