Hi Amy, I'm sorry to see you lost your dad recently. Grief is a strange journey, it took a while for my happier memories to come back, it was months, possibly over 6 months but they do come back. Although I did worry about last Christmas without my dad, in some ways it was just another day without him in my life. Each day I still feel like my heart has been cut out and feel the pain, Christmas Day was no different. In some ways it was easier in the way you have so much else going on that you don't get time to sit and dwell on things as much. On the other hand my dad was always the one who handed out presents each and every year so it was obvious he wasn't here with us. I think you worry more with the build up to Christmas knowing they're not around more than you do on the day. My dad was only 64 and like you I have a 4 and 2 year old. We lost my dad October 2015, I feel a part of me died that day too. Take care of yourself and family x