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Feeling lost after Dads' terminal bowel cancer diagnosis

mary95
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Hi, 

I'm Mary, 21 years old. In August my Dad (Bob) had a mini-stroke, it was terrifying, I was there when it happened and had to lower him to the kitchen floor as he lost control of his left side. I thought he would die right there. At the hospital they told us dad was incredibly anaemic, we now know that it was because he had bowel cancer and the tumour was causing him to bleed internally, forming clots and blocking his arteries. After a colonoscopy and a LOT of waiting, we were sent a letter from the oncology department of our local hospital, so instantly we knew what the diagnosis was. Dad's bowel cancer was metastatic to his liver, but the consultant seemed optimistic, he told my dad that if it was his own brother sat in my dads place he would advise him to do chemo instead of having surgery first - just to shrink the tumour before operating. So a plan was put in place for him to have 6 courses of 2 hours of oxaliplatin followed by 46 hours with a pump attatched to him full of 5-fluorouracil once every 2 weeks. His first chemo session was fine, he had no side effects and was in work the next day. The second was the same, but after his 3rd session he ended up in hospital for 6 days with a 39 degree temperature and a low white blood count. His next chemo session was deferred and then the next week he had his 4th session, shortly afterwards the same thing happened again and he was hospitalised. They did a CT scan of his abdomen and found that the chemotherapy has had no effect on the tumour, it has grown larger and now a second tumour in his bowel had appeared - causing a near full blockage of the bowel. This was last week and he is still in hospital, he can't eat he is having nutrients intraveneously. He has lost so much weight and has become withdrawn, he is a 64 year old man and doesnt talk about how he is feeling which must be very lonley for him - he puts on an act.

My dad gave my mum permission to ask the Dr anything she wanted (he didnt want to know) and so she went into a room with the Dr. They said that if they put together a new chemo plan, and it works to the best of its ability in shrinking the tumours then at most he will have 2 years left. They said treatment is palliative now and they are not trying to cure it. 

When my dad found this out last night he was very disheartened, he had been under the impression that this was fully curable, he has now said he doesnt want to try any other chemo because of how poorly it made him and i dont blame him one bit. 

I now have the realisation that I am going to lose my dad, sooner rather than later. He is my absolute everything, The most amazing, hardworking, brave man I have ever seen and it fills me with sadness to see him in pain because its just so unfair. 

With most things there is hope, you still have a gilmmer of hope and it keeps you going. But now I know that it is definite and there is no hope left, I can't stop crying and I just feel like life will never be good again. I cant imagine him not being here, not being able to hear his voice ever again. 

I know this has been a really long post and thank you if you have read this far. I just thought it would maybe help me to hear from people in similar situations? 

Thankyou,

Mary x

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    Hi Mary95 you not alone i can understand how you feeling it's so sad . My situation my mother got inoperable bowel cancer she been fighting cancer for two years . My mother went for check up July this year for scan and they found mass they didn't know if it was on her ovary or bowel. We waited & waited my mother was phoning them because they where taken to long my mother had phone call from cancer hospital my mother had appointment she told us when she went if they give her treatment she not haven chemo because it made her so I'll she was in hospital for month before. When my mother went she thought she was going to have treatment the doctor told her it was inoperable my mother didn't understand what they where telling her . The doctor said have anyone explain anything to you she said no . They told her there nothing we can do . I remember haven phone call it was my mother you could tell in her voice that she had bad news she just told me it was inoperable nothing they can do I put the phone down I was screaming . I remember phoning my partner in work I was screaming on phone he came home straight we went straight up my mother we just sat there in shock crying my mother was saying I don't want to die . Me and my sisters felt helpless still do . I'm waking around in bubble that everything around me doesn't matter . Christmas I'm dreading and new year because we don't know if it going to be her last . We trying to be normal as possible for my mother it's so hard . Im breaking inside its so hard sorry for rambling take care anytime you need chat I'm her :( 

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    Hi Mary95 just came across u post how's things hope u all. Take care 

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