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Can't stop crying about Mum's death

Dawn83
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Hello. First post on here. 

We lost our beautiful Mum in September 2016. She suffered terribly at the hands of Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma. It was awful because doctors were adamant there was nothing wrong with her for the first 3 months of her being unwell. They finally discovered the growths on her brainstem on the 3rd September, she died on the 21st. She died with us by her side. She fought with everything she had, and I'll love her forever and ever. 

I miss her everyday and am struggling to look after my two young children. She was my rock. We spoke nearly everyday and I just wish I could speak to her again. I'm desperate to hear her voice one more time. 

Im so frightened of dying now too, and the thought of not seeing my children growing up breaks my heart. 

Any advice or support would be welcome. I feel so lost..

 

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    Hi Dawn,

    I am so very sorry to hear of your precious moms passing. I lost my mom in May to non-hodgkins lymphoma and can identify with how you're feeling.

    My mom was also my rock, we were very close I couldn't have wished for a better mom. My elderly dad is also devestated and having trouble coping, they were married for 50 years. With christmas coming up this one will be the first without my mom and will be especially hard.

    Sometimes I just feel like drinking myself to death so I don't have to feel the pain but I know that's not what my mom woud want me to do. I think it's important that you ask yourself that question "what would mom want me to do?". You have kids that need you and I know she would want you to carry on. It's important to grieve as well though, maybe talking to a grief counciler might help you? Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than family about it.

    I'm sure you'll find many people on this forum helpful as I have.

    God Bless x

  • Offline in reply to Antoni

    Thank you for replying to my post Antoni xx Sorry to hear about your loss; losing your mum is like no other feeling in the world. I never realised how much it would physically and mentally hurt. 

    My parents were childhood sweethearts, and we're together a total of 42 years. It's heartbreaking seeing him alone.

    Christmas will be a very large hurdle this year. We've already had to endure her birthday. I agree, Mum would have wanted me to continue living but I keep getting so upset about what she's missing. My son started walking this weekend - she would have loved that.

    I'm hoping to connect with others on this forum. It's good speaking to others that have had similar experiences. 

    I have put my name down to speak to a bereavement counsellor, waiting time is 6 months

  • Offline
    Hello Dawn, it is quite some time since you lost your Mum, but I also get the agony and heartache every day, after losing my Mum and it is just the process of grieving. It will last longer for some and less for others, but my coping mechanism is how my Mum viewed her illness ( with denial ) and approaching her death she was short and sharp, if not brutal; almost distracting us from the situation. As a Mum, we would normally protect our children from everything sad and painful, and that includes illness. My comfort in every day life after her loss is that she knew how loved she was (and still is) and that I genetically carry her forward, and will always love her with my heart xxx

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