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Taken Away

kathy 23
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Hi everyone. I stumbled across this forum when I was endlessly looking at my phone while spending days in hospital watching my dad passing away in front of my eyes. This unfortunately is his final stages and seeing him so weak makes my hreat break with different emotions.

how could cancer have the final say over taken him away from me forever. Turning him over the last 18 months into someone who is so painfully thin and take all his independent and pride of being able to care for himself and then have to relie on every need to be given by others. My feelings as I sit here are of many. Angry that my dad has suffered for so long with no magic wand to wave this illness away. And the overwhelming love I have for this man ( my lovely dad) how do I let him go. How can I spend everyday caring for him then this be taken away. How will my life be without him not being apart of seeing him every day. How will I fill these holes. 

Sorry for all who read this. As being a mum to my three children and a daughter to my dad trying to be strong all the time when your breaking inside. All I hear is the rain on the window and my dads last moments will soon be taken from me. Feeling helpless and scared.  

 

Thank you all for taken the time to read this x 

  • Hi Kathy, 

    I'm really sorry to hear your dad is passing away but I'm glad you're with him at the hospital. I'm sure he appreciates you being there for him at this difficult time in your lives. It's understandable to have questions about how life will be after he is gone but if you can try and take it a day at a time and make the most of the time you have together.

    I'm glad you've joined the forum as many members here will really understand how you are feeling and what you are going through having gone through the same journey with their parents and loved ones and I'm sure they will post soon to offer their support and advice.

    Post as much as you need to Kathy and remember we are here for you if you need us.

    Best wishes to you and your dad, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi Kathy,

    I went through the same range of emotions when I lost my mother. It's one of the hardest things in the world to see your loved one suffering and knowing theres nothing you can pysically do to help them. But I am sure your dad knows how much you love him and that must be a big comfort to him.

    Sending best wishes and kind thoughts to you and your dad, Brian.

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi thank you both for your kind words. My dad past on the 22nd of November and I'm feeling very lost and running on empty. He fought so hard. I'll feel content he had his nearest and dearest by his side nights and days and even the nurses sat with him if we were to go for a coffee break. Now it just coming to trems with not having dad in my daily life. I've been reading many stories on here about coping and loss and the emotions cancer can bring. It's been a release that you have people who care so and to share these feelings is brave. It's day by day but I have a beautiful family around me and we can hold each other up on the days we don't feel so strong. It almost feels like I'm in a bubble or I'll wake up and it would of all been a dream. 

  • Offline
    Dear Kathy my mum died on Tuesday night in a hospice in Hayle Cornwall. Nearly 14 years she had battled cancer. She was in the hospice for about three weeks. The last few days she was made comfortable with diamorphine and she was no longer suffering but was no longer responsive. Hearing is the last thing to go I arrived to see her on Tuesday afternoon and spoke to her and told her it was time to let go and that I hoped she would see he own mother she lost when she was 5. I was going to stay the night with her but my dad who had been there everyday for three weeks went home of an evening and wanted me to go with him. She died that night after the shift changed over. We saw her in the morning and she had a smile o. Her face which the nurses felt was unusual although I am beating myself up for leaving that night I was reassured maybe the smile was because she was going to a better place and was no longer in pain. There are no words I can express but what you are feeling is healthy and ok. I came on this site recently and wasn't sure to visit my mum again or not but u was so glad I did based on people's experiences stay well and make time to grieve x
  • in reply to kathy 23

    Hi again Kathy, 

    I'm sorry to hear your father has now passed away and on behalf of the Cancer Chat team I just wanted to offer our condolences to you and your family.

    I'm glad that the stories you have been reading on the forum are helping you and that you have your family to support you. Like you've said, just take it day by day. I have found some information on our website about coping with grief that may help you at this time as well. Just click here to find out more.

    Our thoughts are with you.

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • in reply to GuyP

    I'm really sorry to hear your mum passed away a couple of days ago Guy and on behalf of the team I just wanted to offer our condolences to you and your family as well.

    It sounds like your mum was very strong having battled cancer for so long and I'm so glad that the advice you received from other members helped you make the decision to see your mother again before she passed away. It's nice to hear that you saw her with a smile on her face when you saw her the next morning and I hope you can take comfort from that at this sad time. 

    Do click on the link I posted in my reply to kathy about coping with grief as I'm sure it will help you and your dad as well.

    Thinking of you both at this time, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to GuyP

    Hi. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, 13 years of battling cancer, your mum sounds like an amazing women to live through this day to day. If this helps even though as a family we was taken turns to sit with dad, he also passed when I wasn't with him, the hospital said when he was first admitted he would have 24 - 48 hours, he fought for a whole week to stay with us. I decided to go home only ten minutes away from the hospital  to have a shower and something to eat. I'd only left 20 minutes and I had the call that he'd gone. You can never tell, i feel at peace with this only due to spending as much time as I possibly could,  it's not possible as we need rest and time away to collect our thoughts and we are stronger and more able to deal with our emotions when we return to sit by their side. I feel it's also the care given before hand and the times when you know you've done your best. The final moment may of been taken away but a life time of moments your forever hold and these cant be taken away. These are only my thoughts and how they have helped me not being their. My thoughts are with you and your dad. Thank you for your words you've helped me more than you know 

    kind regards Kathy 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Steph

    Thank you and thank you for this site 

  • Offline in reply to kathy 23

    Thank you Kathy I'm glad you have family close by to support you. A nurse told me that some people choose to go when their family are not with them to protect them. It sounds like your Dad stayed with you for as long as he could a very strong man. My Dad and I are up and down and looking forward to my brother and sister joining us shortly. An unexplained story for you which we are finding of comfort as a family my sister awoke on the Tuesday night after believing my mother had visited her looking well and happy, she told her she had died. My sister called the hospice straight away and said my mum has died hasn't she. The hospice couldn't confirm this as my dad had requested he wasn't to be contacted in the night if mum had died but wait until the morning when he would be more prepared to face it so the hospice wouldn't tell my sister because they hadn't yet informed my dad. My sister has taken great comfort from this a remarkable story. Wishing you and your family well at this difficult time Guy 

  • Offline
    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and thank you for sharing your story because I'm in a similar situation. My mum has battled lymphoma for 15 months and last week we received the news that it's incurable and has spread like wildfire. I completely understand all the emotions you're feeling, the anger, the hatred of the illness, the darkness I know is looming ahead. I can't imagine a world without my mum, it's terrifying, but I don't want her to suffer anymore and as she's been through hell. I hope you're okay, keep your head up and take each day as it comes.

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