My husband has gone

Hi I just feel the need to write and know this is the right place to do it.

My dearest husband of 41yrs passed away 3 weeks ago at home  whilst in my arms and our children holding his hands 

He was diagnosed with tribal pancreatic cancer last November and went thru 12 rounds of chemo. We made some precious memories whilst he was feeling well enough but he's health deteriorated fast when the stent in his bile duct was being squashed by the tumour. He had been given 6-9 mths max but he managed 12. We are very grateful for that extra time.

We have been very strong so far and we had a celebration of his life after his funeral which was very uplifting which my husband would have wanted . 

This last week has been really hard for me as the reality that he won't be coming home again sinks in. I'm trying to keep busy but mornings and evenings are very lonely and I find myself crying a lot. I know this is natural and part of the grieving process so I let myself go and cry until I feel strong again. There is a huge void in my life but I'll have my memories to cherish forever. I have lost the love of my life yet have no choice but to carry on living nomatter how hard this will be until the pain and heartache becomes bearable.

Cancer is unbelievably cruel there is no doubt

  • hi eileenh, really feel for you, must be so hard.

  • I know exactly how you feel my husband passed away in June this year and I am feeling everything you describe. I can't see any hope for the future but I know he wanted me to go on. I just wish someone would tell me how you do that! I just want to curl up on the bed or the sofa and I still cry a lot. Thinking of you x

     

  • Hi Julieh

    Thank yoy for your kind reply.

    I don't think our loss will ever feel any less painful do you? We have lost our husband, friend and soul mate with whom we shared our deepest thoughts and lives and I don't believe I will ever stop missing Phil so much but then again I don't want to stop, ever.

    I only know I have to carry on living in his memory and for the sake of our children and grandchildren and honour his life shared with us.

    I don't know about you bit since Phil's passing I feel a great sense of vulnerability and nervous thst something is going to happen to me or my family and I worry when out in the car or our children are going anywhere. I do hope this passes soon as it is adding to my grief.

    Phil and I have been retired for a couple of years and we were waiting to sell my parents house to fund our planned holidays and travels. The sale is about to close and I feel nothing but sadness that we have been robbed of a great retirement together.

    Well we have no choice now but to find a new future although always with love in our hearts for our husbands.

    Eileen x

  • Dear Eileen I ham very sorry to hear your news. I list my husband of 41 years at the start of this year. It's been very difficult and like you I feel very lonely and very sad. My husband died suddenly having been diagnosed with a cancer of unknown origin. It happened so quickly I still find it hard to believe that he is not coming back. Until you go through the experience of losing a much loved spouse you don't really know how awful it is. I take each day as it comes try to stay self reliant and it gets me through the day. Night especially bedtime is hard but again I try to think of all the fantastic memories of our life together. It's a journey which we all face it's part of life the hard part. I am thinking of your pain as I write this post. Take care. A