Hello lucky pennies, I know how you feel I lost my husband to prostate cancer in September and its so hard isn't it, we put our own lives on hold to do the best we can for them and that's the way it should be, my husband John would have done the same for me in a heartbeat. But now he's not here it so very hard to start my own life again, part of me is missing and even though I am learning to get on with life on my own some days it just hits me all over again. I know that one day I will be if not happy but content again but for now, like you I am just taking each day as it comes. Do you have family and friends to help you? Mine have been a great comfort to me, don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help we all need that sometimes don't we, this forum is a good way of getting things off your chest and it's sharing with other people who know exactly how you feel we are all on the same horrible journey. 

Look after yourself. Xx