I have heard of this sort of thing happening before - some folks just don't know how to deal with it - for my own price of mind I would put it down to that x

Hi Umemboshi,

During my 4 1/2years on here unfortunately I have heard of several instances like this.

Please dont be to hard on them for unless you or a family member have had experiance of cancer, people often dont know what to say or how to react. I'm not making excuses for them for you need their help and support even more now.

I have also heard several people say, the help and support often came fron unexpected sources or people they hardly knew. Its unfortunately a sad fact that at times like you have had and are going through now, we find out who our real friends are. 

I hope you make good friends on here just like I have. Wishing you all the best and sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.

I'm so sad to read your story , having just lost my husband to prostate cancer I know how important it was to be to have the support of my family and friends . Maybe they didn't know how to approach you but you must be feeling bereft right now, my thoughts are with you. 

Sandra. X

Hi Umemboshi,

When my mother passed away due to cancer her best friend didn't attend the funeral. I did ask her why and she told me that she just couldn't face it, basically it was just too hard.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong but perhaps your friends don't really know what to say to you, or are frightened to say something that will upset you further so they actually don't contact you or say anything at all.

They will probably contact you in time when they think you are "ok", they may also think since it's so raw that you don't want to talk to anyone and are giving you some grieving time. It happens sometimes.

God Bless xo

There's an old saying that when times get hard, you find out who your real friends are. This is so true. 

Some people genuinely find it hard to face up to reality and don't realise what a slap in the face it is when they drop out of your life just when you need them. Others are quite frankly shallow, not real friends and simply not worth bothering with. It is hard not to judge people harshly - but don't waste your time on it, such a waste of time and emotion.

Best wishes 

Dave

People are just amazing like this! It's not unheard of at all. My mum got really upset with how people were with her when my dad died and how people still are. One of her friends texted me near the year anniversary asking if it was ok to contact my mum!!! That was the first contact since the funeral. I didn't reply as I would of been abrupt.

I think people think you need space and don't know what to do, so they don't make any contact which really hurts. I'd rather say something than nothing at all. 

This is not uncommon. Unfortunate, but that is how it is.

I saw it when my Dad had cancer, his life long friends never called, never showed up for the funeral etc. I guess people worry that maybe our luck is contagious or something.

Personally I currently am looking at a sinus malignancy based on what the CT and symptoms are showing. I go for surgery on wednesday, and thank fy lucky stars I have no one around me. That way I can not be let down by anyone, and it will be one less thing I have to deal with.

In your position I know it is difficult to deal with. But this too shall pass, and you will know who you can really count on. That is a very valuable thing to know. I wish you the very best. And hope that your true friends do stand by you.

Thank you all for your kind answers. From the bottom of my heart: thank you.

I believe that all of you are right. Everyhing you say/tell/explain is so true...

People do feel uncomfortable... it IS so hard to face death and fear of death...

YES, true people on whom we can count do come out of nowhere... it may sound like a cliché, but it is sooo true. Though... if you've read my longest post ( " I lost my husband to cancer and now I am alone with a baby" ) - you now know that I could have added to that title: " and now I am alone with a baby... in a country where I have no family at all, knowing that my family can't travel to get here, knowing that my local family all died of cancer a very long time ago... so... I don't know how much I can accept or forgive. And yes, you are right, I should put aside all those who make my life morecomplicated.

Good night

Thank you. I've answered everyone underneath.