Hi eliza24 - I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Dad to secondary liver cancer 5 weeks ago, 6 months after diagnosis and as you say, it's so surreal and like it's not happening. I expect him to walk into my house or phone me like he always did. The flashbacks are the worst as I helped care for him some of the time, my Mum being the primary carer. I always think is there any more we could have done for him. Always thinking about the decline in his health from the weight loss to confusion and not wanting to interact with family and friends. I hope you do come to terms and I'made hoping it gets easier. If you need to talk that's fine. Take care.

Hi ladies, who would of imagined how hard losing a parent is. I'm a year in the process and it does get easier. I think the mind plays tricks. I'm usually quite aware of the loss of my dad and then there's those split second moments when you get a plate out for their dinner, or like the other day I nearly asked my mum where my dad was!!! My dad passed 3 dads after diagnosis in my arms it not the best circumstances. These memories fade in time and you get the nice images back in your mind, of course if you dig deep you can still see them. Me and my mum are still in shock at what happened and how quick it all happened. We have so many unanswered questions. Life is cruel and very tough. Take care

Hi Eliza, I Am so sorry for your loss and there are no words anyone can ever say to make it easier.. I lost my dad nearly 2 months ago and like you I am struggling lots.. he was my best friend as well as my hero. My dad came to leave with me and my husband and our two kids when he started chemo last year and like you you see things that are truly heartbreaking.. my dad developed a stroke whilst in hospital for a routine op so like you my loving dad was taken away mentally for the majority of his his last 6 weeks.. but it was the cancer that took hold in the end. I can completely relate to the flashbacks and watching the man you idolise detoriate.. that has effected me massively. It's likely your still in shock and that's so normal.. I felt numb and pure shock until after the funeral and now reality has hit and I'm broken. Try and take each day as it comes and talk about how your feeling to anyone you can trust and explain your feelings at that time. Xxx 

Eliza, yes..i have gone through the exact same with my father a month ago.  he had 5 tumors on brain when we found out anything was wrong.  aggressive and in 6 weeks he was gone and like you it was the most horrible thing to watch my dad loose his ability to walk, use of arms and slowly watch him get more and more confused and lost.  i still feel it is surreal and i still feel numb but am having a few better moments now and then.  i dont know how long it will take as my dad was the most amazing man i ever knew.  i was so close to him, a daughter/father bond that was very strong.  my sister and i cared for him at home till he passed as my mom passed a year ago.  i hope it helps to know you are not alone in your feelings and anytime you feel like chatting..i am here.  god bless

pam

I've felt like that, I try to put myself in a bubble and every so often it pops and I can't accept he is not here.

so sorry you had a short time with your dad. My husband fought for ten years and I still thought he would fight on for longer, just didn't want him to go

Hi eliza24 - This time next week it will be 4 months since my wife passed, and i still wake up every morning and cant believe she is not here, then i come down stairs and look at all the photos and it hits home even more..i too witnessed the last moments of my wifes life and it haunts me all day every day..though i do feel i am starting to do a little more than i could. i feel she is in every room that i go into cause theres so much of her things still laying about the house...this is where it gets hard, cause people are starting to say about getting things out the way and i cant do it, i feel its too early for me, the tears come so easy just now with the smallest of things that bring back memories... folk even saying i need to get back to work but im not sure i can face anyone yet, i get scared of the thought of going back to work..is it just me... i miss Ann so much and i cant seem to see a future for me where i can be happy again, i used to be terrified of dying but now i dont care cause my soulmate has gone and all i do live the same day over and over again.  all i want is to be by her side again..