Hi...id dint want to be anywhare last xmas...but in the end i went to my sons...it was very hard but i was lucky enough to have grankids and they help when i see them..its just a case of putting one foot infront of the other ...i still do that...its the only way i sort of cope...sending u peace and light x

This will be my first christmas without my wonderful mom. It will be extremely hard but she loved christmas and I know she would want me to try and celebrate it. So I will try, for the sake of her memory.

If you have close family then I would go, as I think you need to be around people during this time. I'm sure they will understand no matter how you will be. You shouldn't be alone if you don't have to be at christmas. Have a drink to his memory, share happy stories of him with your family because he would want you to be happy.

god bless you x

Hi I lost my husband in July and am dreading Christmas without him, I have children and grandchildren that I will spend it with, but I know I am going to have to put on a brave front and try and enjoy it as much as I can as I know that's what my husband would have wanted  you say you have close family and I'm sure your husband would not want you to be alone so please accept their offer life will never be the same for us again but we have no choice but to get through each day with out our husbands and we have to do whatever it takes  we have to try and be strong no matter how we feel it's so hard I know I struggle each day and am still hoping things will get easier th y haven't yet but I know I'm not the only one going through this and I will try and remember this Christmas Day were in this together this forum helps a lot and my prayers are with all of us take care I send lots of hugs godbless Maria xx

Thank you for your kind wishes,  my sister and her family are my support team at the moment , they have got me through since John died and I suppose I will be with them but I don't know how I will get through the day. I don't want to cast a shadow over what should be a happy time for them but  I know from our family get togethers how hard it is to keep it together . John loved spending time with my niece Tracey and her family , she's like a daughter to us and Tracey wants me to be there so I suppose that's where I'll be even though I feel I need time on my own, they will all worry so if I don't join them. 

It's hard and it doesn't get easier but you learn ways to get through each day and each first thing.

Being around people on the day will give you the flexibility to be with your family or to go for a walk, or to have a lie down in your room for an hour if you want some time on your own.

One step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.  

There are no rights and wrongs, everyone finds a way through, with help and support from family it's easier.  You're allowed to be sad!  It's called grief and that's totally normal.  Allow yourself to grieve, that way you are honouring your lost one and treasuring their memory.

all the best x

That is so true . One hour at at a time, today I have been OK but this afternoon had 3 calls people wanting to to talk about  John, when I finished I was in pieces again . It's like yes I want to talk but then the memories are hard. 

The last few weeks of my husbands life were all about pain and palliative care, I am desperate to get past those memories and remember the good times,  we had 30years of those. But I feel friends keep unknowingly dragging me back there, but they loved him too and want to know so what do you do? 

Tonight I have made a desicition not to go there again , it takes me back to a hard place,  hopefully it will enable me to keep moving forward . As for Christmas I still cannot imagine what I'm going to do , I feel like I want to just ignore it for this year, I can't see me putting on a Christmas jumper and making the best of it! If I spend it with family it won't be at my own home and I feel if I'm upset they will be too and I don't want to put that on them. 

Still can't bear to think about the day it just makes me cry, John and I had such lovely times at Christmas ,. 

Hi,

I am actually  approaching  my 2nd Christmas without hubby and still miss him every day. He passed away just after New Year which seems harder. As to how I  coped with the first one, well I  thought I  would just want to curl up on my own in front if the TV and let it pass me by. However as a family we broke with usual tradition (which helped a little ) and I  went to my son in laws mum with them. It was a quiet celebration and there were tears as well as laughter.  Emotions don't take account of what time of year it is and everyone felt it was a perfectly natural reaction to be honest. I think I will be slightly more together this year but think managing day to day and doing what feels right for you may help with the decision you make . Your close family will feel the loss too albeit  differently and I  am very aware that my adult children struggle when they see me on my own so I  suppose I am trying for them too if that makes sense. Take care. Jules 

I lost my mum last December and christmas was tough not having her there to see her grandchildren open their presents etc. I have young children so had to make sure they had a good day, its what my mum would of wanted. We went to her grave with flowers and I had a wobble. Firat special celebrations r hard but Im sure our loved ones wouldnt want us to be sad. X

Hi all... i too will have to go through my first christmas without my wife who passed in july. im not looking forward to it at all..even going to the shops and seeing all the xmas stuff on the shelves is hard as it was Ann's favourite time of year. i was thinking about just not doing anything on xmas day but Ann's father has said he wanted to take the family out for dinner..about 12 people.. i thought about it for a good while and said to my son and daughter and eventually we decided it might be good to go out for a wee while, it would break up the day a bit and we would be in the company of quite a big family..still not sure what im going to be like but i think its going to be better than wake up at 8am and start drinking till whenever..at least ill have to wait till about 6pm before i can have a drink as i'll be driving... suppose the point im making is it would be easy to just shut everyone out for a day but when opportunities arise and whether its deliberate or not maybe we should try and accept that people are watching over us and trying to do their best in whatever way they can...i know its going to be difficult for me, but it sounds like the better option because the tears are going to flow even if i stay in the house all day...Take care..x

Hello , thanks for all your kind thoughts and suggestions  I still cannot decide where I want to be so am leaving my options open for now. The family gathers at my nieces house and she has said don't think about it yet decide the day before or even Christmas morning if that's what I want, my family are so good I knew we shared a lot of love but since John went I feel so lucky to have them all in my life, some people have no one do they. ? How must that be. 

I am OK, I miss him every minute of every day but it's starting not to hurt as much, I actually get through some days with no tears now. Life is very very different I'm not whole anymore but it's beginning to feel more settled ,  my old spirit is slowly coming back so on my bad days I can tell myself I CAN Do This because that's how John would want it. He hated to see me cry. Martin you are right about the tears flowing , it's not under your control is it,  sometimes  a few sometimes a river but that's fine that's what grieving is isn't it. But what if I have a really bad Christmas day with the tears etc, I will feel that I am spoiling everyone's day for them,  the kids don't want to see me in floods of tears and if I go off to be on my own the grown ups will be worried and upset, that's why I don't know what to do . 

Sandra. X