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3 months later

LJG
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My dad passed away on the 4th August this year, approaching 3 months on this I am back at uni just like I promised him and he told me me several times "you have your own life, get on with it!" This gives me comfort however sometimes I feel okay and others intense sadness. The uni i have been at have been really good and supported me. I just wanted to ask people in a similar situation how it is going for them. At the moment it just feels lots of ups and downs. However I am worried with Christmas  comming up as it will be the first without my dad :( 

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    Hi,  I lost my husband to cancer 7 weeks ago and it's the same for me,  lots of ups and downs but I suppose that's how it's going to be for a long time . You just feel like you are doing OK then a new wave of grief hits you and knocks you down again . I agree about Christmas I am absolutely dreading it, even shopping is hard now as the shops are full of Christmas and I feel that I want to ignore it this year . I have family insisting I spend the day with them but I don't think I can face it. 

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    Hi. Im feeling the same too. I lost my lovely Dad in July and every Christmas Day was spent with him. I feel like I just want to go away somewhere and ignore that Christmas is even happening but obviously I would feel bad for the people in my family who are still here and want to celebrate it. It is going to be horrible having that empty seat at the table. I miss him so much. 

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    Hi LJG, I am also 3 months into the process of grieving. Mum passed away on July 28th, a week before her birthday. Like you, there have been and still are a lot of ups and downs...I went back to work 2 weeks after mum passed away and felt nothing for about 5 weeks. I worked a lot, wasn't crying much at all, just a general feeling of numbness. After these first few weeks, things changed and I would cry (understand sob uncontrollably) every morning and every evening on my commute to/from work... On top of the sadness, a new range of feelings shows up; the anger and frustration about the situation, about not being able to control your emotions, about being happy some days, about pretty much everything really... I have now accepted that there is no timing or control about grieving and am accepting the emotions, good and bad, as and when they come. Like you with uni, work helped me a lot. I had exactly the same anxiety about Christmas...I cannot imagine going back to my parents' home and celebrate if mum is not there... I was really relieved when my sister and dad called me and asked if we can celebrate x-mas at my place this year...We will still miss her terribly but it will be so different from our traditional family x-mas that it may be easier to deal with. I wish you well as you go through these hard times, and good luck with uni too!
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    My Dad passed away a few weeks before Christmas last year, we were still in shock on Christmas day so we didn't even register when it came and went, it's 11 months on and coming up to the 1 year anniversary of his death, the shock has faded some so I feel like this time would be the 'first' christmas without him. I'm not looking forward to it, we will probably not celebrate it though, one of my brother's got married and another had a baby this year so they will be spending it with their new families. 

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