I feel lost

10 days ago my Mum passed away, after just 3 weeks fighting Cancer.

6 weeks ago my Mum was perfectly healthy, driving out of town to the shopping centre, getting her hair done, you know, typical Mum things.

Then out of the blue, Mum phoned me, she said she was feeling unwell, and would I pop by.

She lived alone as a widower, my Dad died last year from a heart attack.

There is only me, and my brother in the family, so we are all very close.

I arrived at Mums to find her sat on the sofa in tears due to the pain she was in.

I immediately called Mums doctor, who arrived within 40 minutes.

He checked her stats, and said they all seemed fine, then did further checks and said he was worried because she seemed to have pain all over her body, but there was nothing obviously wrong, so he said he wanted her to go to hospital.

Mum being mum immediately tried to walk to the bathroom to do her hair, but she couldn't walk.  Her legs just wouldn't hold her.

Yet just 6 hours earlier she had showered and got dressed.

The ambulance arrived and took mum off to hospital, I collected my brother and followed behind.

We arrived an hour after Mum, and when we got there, we were struck by the sheer number of staff looking after Mum.

A nurse took us to one side, and said the were running several tests, and would have all the rresults back within 24hrs, but until then, they would control Mums pain.

The next day we went back to the hospital, to find mum in tears. 

The Doctor had just told her she had Cancer.

It was in the lung, but it had spread to her liver, and then into her bone.

Within 24 hours of feeling ill we were told Mum was dying.

I felt like I'd been hit by a train.

3 weeks to the day, Mum passed away, with me and my brother at her side.

My poor mum spent the last week unable to speak or move.  She could only communicate by moving her fingers.

I've never felt so helpless, so useless, in all of my 35 years.

Mum was cremated yesterday.

Both me and my brother are devastated

I'm sorry to make a first post like this, but I need to get if off my chest somewhere, some how.

  • My I offer sincere condolences Mark, it is such a shock for you and so sudden. I lost my wife after only 7 months so can empathise with you.

    There are no magic words that will help, but I beleive talking about it on here and to friends can help to live with the pain and slowly but surely it will ease and become bearable.

    Your Mum did not suffer too long so that is something to be happy for her for, and I am sure you have great memories that will be a comfort too.

  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum my husband went through exactly the same was fit and healthy one minute then diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away 3weeks later it's now 10 weeks since I lost him some days harder than others but we have to go on, this forum does help as you realise your not the only one suffering the heartbreak and you an can say whatever your feeling and someone will answer you and then you don't feel so alone, I'm glad you have your brother I have a son and a daughter and I know they have helped each other with the loss of their dad my heart goes out to you both I send lots of hugs godbless you both xxx

  • I'm so sorry for your loss, I had my dads funeral 3 weeks ago, and he was the same as your mum, was fine doing normal things, then started feeling unwell and the doctor said it was flu, he got worse lost 2 stone and had ulcers in his mouth, was admitted to hospital, they did tests and said it was pancreatic cancer that had spread to the liver and he had 3 to 6 months to live. he died 2 weeks later, he couldn't accept it and wanted to die straight away. He would have no pain relief. The last week was the worst week of my life seeing him go like that. We are still in shock as it was so quick. I have good and bad days still thinking it's not real really. Sending you lots of love xx

  • I am very sorry to hear of your devastating loss of your dear mum. 

    Nothing prepares us as siblings whether we know months before or when it is sudden

    the only comfort you may have is that your mum is now reunited with dad. 

    I Lost my dear dad just under 2 weeks ago, and although dad was diagnosed in  January with terminal cancer, you still are never prepared. 

    Take one day and a time and try and find comfort in the little things that remind you of mum.

    they say time helps the hurt , but I am yet to know this saying. 

    Stay strong 

     

  • Hi all, and thank you for your kind words.

    I'm sorry I've been a little slow replying, I haven't been feeling very sociable these past few days.

     

    I'm getting sick of everybody saying the same old 'if there's anything I can do' nonsence.

    I asked one lady to clean my van, she declined, I said 'You did offer, and that is something that needs doing'.

    Why do people say these things, that are so meaningless and pointless?

    Why not just ask how I am, then let me lead the conversation?

    I know people feel awkward at times like this, and they are trying to be of comfort... but really?!!

     

    Anyway, sorry about that little rant.

     

    I am finding it quite tough at the moment.  My moods are very up and down, so I'm trying to hide from people at the moment.

     

    But... tomorrow I have work...  I'm dredding it.

  • Whoever said times a healer, is a liar.