Hi,
It was 6 months today that my family and I lost my dear Nan to bile duct cancer.
This woman was not just a Nan; a best friend, a second mum and a part of my heart. Losing her has really tested me emotionally and mentally. There are no words to describe how big this loss was, not just to my family or myself but also to all the lives she touched.
Her cancer battle was short but hard work; she was diagnosed 19th November 2015 and died 14th march 2016. The thing that i will never forget about her is that during her battle she would always take the time to text me, seeing how school was or congratulating me on any good grades i had just achieved. In fact the day she was diagnosed, was the day i got my results from my mock exams (these were our last practice exams before our real GCSEs, so i was really nervous about it) and I text her the results and she was so chuffed with them despite them being mostly grade C, when i was capable of achieving grade Bs and As, but to her that didn’t matter. My mum recently told me that she got that text just after the diagnosis, which proves that nothing could distract her from what mattered to her.
Recently i have been struggling quite badly. After her sudden passing, there was a lot going on for me. My sixteenth birthday was three weeks after her death so I had to be positive and happy for that. I also had my GCSEs staring soon, so revision was my main priority when i could, then in July i had my prom and soon i will be facing results day. Having these distractions have helped slightly because there’s always been a next milestone for me to reach (despite her not being there to celebrate with me), but since i officially broke up from school on the 22nd of June, I’ve started to have more spare time... thinking time. I like to think that my brain lately has been semi-permeable. It will only let certain things sink in. It will let the fact that i should be going to college soon, sink in... And it has let the fact that my Nan has died sink in... but it hasn’t let the actual fact that i will never. Ever. See my Nan, sat on the sofa in the corner of the sitting room, shouting at the football on the radio. :love: and to be honest, it sends a tear down my face every time i think of it in that way.
It feels at the moment that its all starting to hit my - like punches. Not just her death, but also that during one of the biggest and most important year of my life, i wont have that very special, supportive woman, giving me one of her looks which doesn’t need to be explained to me; i would just know she was proud.
Next week, we will finally be burring her with my uncle, where she now belongs.
I’m so sorry this is so long and on going! :) i was just wondering, it is just me who is struggling to deal with reality? Is it ok for me to not accept what’s happened? xxx
Thank you -
chloe x
UPDATE: we buried my nan of friday 19th august - it was a lovely final send off for her however during the evening of that day my grandad had a heart attack. thankfully he is in hospital doing well.
