Last year my mum was the absolute picture of health and then I remember come this year February she complained about her lower back. I already was worried because she had had cancer four times in her 59 years and I knew that something was up. My mum didn't often complain. Then it was discovered she had spinal cancer and they also found tumours in her liver. It was awful news. My brothers and I took it badly. We knew that this was the worst it had ever been. 

Three months later my mum came to my wedding. She had lost a lot of weight and was at the stage where they weren't sure about pursuing chemotherapy. Radiation had worked for the tumours in her spine. That was just over four weeks ago. Shortly after my wedding, the onocologist told my mum that chemotherapy would only marginally improve things but that the liver cancer was too advanced and she could try chemo treatment if she wanted. My mum chose not to.

My mum passed away last week Wednesday in the early hours and I think the biggest struggle is comprehending how quickly she is now gone since diagnosis. Even all her doctors said that it wasn't expected to go this fast and they suspect she had tumours elsewhere that may have not been picked up.

I'm 29 years old but it doesn't make any of this easier. I've lost family and friends but this is the hardest and most painful thing I've been through. I used to talk to my mum every week and she was always there for me. My mum was also the centre of our family and now there is a massive gaping hole. I still wake up in denial about everything that she is gone. It hurts massively. My poor husband has a wife in pieces everyday and doesn't know what to do to help me. I don't feel I will ever be able to fully move on from this. I think about the little things like the emails and phone calls. Then the bigger things - the grand children she longed for and my brothers weddings. I wish I had more time with her. I wish she could have been here to see all the things she wanted to see.