Hi Catherine

firstly I am so very sorry for your loss, there are just no words...life is cruel on occasion. I do hope you have someone to lean on today.  Without sounding condescending, are you able to talk to your GP about  your daughter.  It may bring you comfort to meet up with parents who understand how you feel. Support groups, counselling.  

Both my children have autism and complex needs.  When I discovered my first born child was autistic I was heartbroken.  All I could think was how difficult his life would be, how we would cope, etc etc.  my mum suggested I join a support group.  I personally couldn't think of anything I would hate more... Still my mum persisted.  In the end I did go, just to stop her nagging me to be honest.  By this time 2 years had passed.  It was nothing like I thought, just people like me muddling through. Sharing our tips on what  worked .  That was eleven years ago,  I've made some wonderful friends,  who just "get it" no explanation needed they just understand.  Those friends are my lifeline when times are difficult.

sending you my warmest wishes xx

Hi

i don't see/read a pathetic woman..I see a strong brave women, who despite all still gets out of bed and puts one foot in front of the other every single day.  No mother should have to bury their child..Your girl is still here in your grandchildren, I'm sure it brought her great comfort knowing you would be their for them.  As for the work assessment be truthful tell them exactly how you are feeling, I'm sure you can take someone with you for emotional support too.  Be kind to yourself you are remarkable xx

Thanks but i dont feel remarable or brave as people keep saying, beating cancer isnt being brave its what you do to survive, being brave is saving a life or not allowing people to do bad things, i am the one who puts a smile on while inside im dying,

Hi 

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, things have been a little crazy here.  I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you, your not alone...  With regards to our last chat and you not being brave.  I have to disagree, being brave isn't  just about saving a life, it's so much more.  I think your brave, your pain at losing a child is something I couldn't begin to understand..yet each day you put a smile on your face, get out of bed and carry on your life.  That takes courage and determination.  I don't know how you learn to live again but you will, little by little.  How are your beautiful grandchildren ?  I haven't got there just yet, my boy's are 13 and 17 next week.  My mum says she loves being a Grandma she's a little crazy.  You should see her on the park swings and slides.  My boys adore her. I bet your a fantastic Grandma/nanny.

I'm sending you my kindest wishes xx

Its my daughters birthday today, she would have been 38, i love my grandkids to the moon and back, there is no feeling like it and i am very proud of them, the eldest is Tanneth and she works with the advertising team who make the christmas John Lewis one among others, the five children i still have are all hard working and contribute to society so that in itself is blessing. Thank you for your kind words as ive just came out of hospital again and waiting for more tests so i feel this will never end. The scary thing in all of this is the fact i havent shed a tear,apperently the treatment with the radiotherapy has destroyed my tear glands and also my saliva glands so i have to use a spray that doubles as saliva, a good cry would maybe make me feel better but i will never know. thanks again for your reply as i certainly appreciate it. xx

On a better note i went for work assesment and recieved profuse apologies from the lady doctor and i was only in five minutes, she was actually really cross they had sent for me when they had all the information they needed, just thought i would let you know. xxx

Hi

just thinking about you so thought I would drop you a line.  I hope you are keeping well and having fun with your lovely grandchildren.  I've just returned from a week in Yorkshire with my two.  It was blissful whilst it lasted but back to reality now,  must say on the plus side it's always nice to return to your own bed. 

I'm glad you managed to sort things out with the doctor at your work assessment. At least that's something you don't have to worry about.  Take care, and be kind to yourself

Have a lovely week xx

Thank you, i used to live in Yorkshire and some of it is fantastic, my grandkids are off in Spain but they are having a fabulous time, i am still struggling but you have to be alive to do that so i will keep on going in the hope it gets easier, it actually does help to know someone is thinking about me and maybe i can help with the same degree of kindness in the future. Bless you Catherine. x