My husband was admitted to hospital in December after getting several blood clots ( which the hospital had previously dismissed as non urgent) whilst in the hospital it was discovered he had septicemia, blood clots in his lungs and his leg. They inserted a pic line in his right arm , at the time he complained of dreadful pain in his neck and shoulder where the line was, we were told it would settle and he was given some pain relief cream to rub in .He was transferred to another hospital when they discovered one blood clot had damaged the artery on the right side of his heart, initially he was moved to have open heart surgery. Whilst waiting for some blood results he had a clot appear in his arm , it swelled to 5 times its size. The doctors  decided to remove the pic-line, when they were taking it out they noticed it was infected, as a precaution they took a small biopsy from his neck .Two days later we were told he had lymph node cancer and it wasn't treatable . They did several scans and investigations but couldn't locate a primary source. On the 1st of february we were told he had only a few months left and nothing could be done. He was in hospital for 73 days before they let him come home on 22nd february. He had his 48th birthday in hospital . We wanted to get married so a rush wedding was arranged for 12th April , he did so well to go without his wheelchair for the whole day. His parents paid for the wedding and for a weekend away . The first night at our honeymoon hotel he was taken ill and  paramedics were called, they took 2 hours to make him comfy and to get his breathing settled, the following morning a local GP attended him . He gave him medication and a course of steroids. The change that the steroids made were amazing, he put weight back on, got his appetite back and although still ill he was able to get out more . We stupidly thought he was going to have longer than first thought. The steroids masked the seriousness of his illness.  On 18th May i had to call 999 because his breathing was difficult. They came and called our palliative nurse. The nurse came and asked him if he wanted to go into the hospice , just to get him breathing properly and then he could come home. He said yes if I could stay there with him. They sedated him and told me it was to help keep him relaxed.. An hour later i was told that they were taking things hour by hour. I thought he was going to come home . I stayed and held his hand all night , he slipped away on the 19th May at 10.40 a.m. They told me he could hear me and that he knew it was his time , he was too exhausted to fight anymore. As he was slipping away he opened his eye just a tiny bit, opened his mouth and i believe he was trying to say he loved me . I feel totally empty , lost and lonely. I cry all the time . Every day I write down everything that i would normally be chatting to him about. I constantly talk to his photo..When he was taken by the angels , my heart shattered and my whole world crashed down around me. I am 58 and it took all this time to finally find my true love, my soul-mate and my best friend. I still can't believe he has gone , i can't understand why we were destined to meet and fall so deeply in love  . just to be ripped apart two years later. Some days I don't even get dressed. I find it hard to eat , i feel like nothing is worth it. All i see ahead is a long , long road with no ending.  Jez . my husband was my everything. I don't know how to carry on without him. These 7 weeks since he passed seem like a life time , but then it feels like it has just.happened.